Gone With The Wind ✔️

seven

Elizabeth

"I-I am not dying."

I am.

I covered the awkwardness of the topic between my chuckles. I shouldn't have just said those. It's a bit uncomfortable.

"You better not should. Not yet."

Even if I am a bit baffled with his words, hindi ko na lang ito pinatulan. I don't want to chat tonight about death. I don't want to give life in it. Maybe next time.

I continued reaching and munching chips while thinking about a topic to be uplifted. I want to ask something. I want to shift into an another topic. When I finally have one, I swallowed the food first before shifting my gaze on him who's busy staring at the moonlight.

Contemplating. I think so.

"When you think about 'home' what do you think of? Or who do you think of?" I queried.

His eyes converted in me. And somehow, I can see distinct emotions in his eyes but I am not certain if I am seeing it right or baka pakiramdam ko lang dahil ang mga emosyon na nakikita ko sa mga mata niya ay ang mga emosyon na nararamdaman ko ngayon.

"You're asking me what's a real home?" his brows raised.

"Oo."

He tittered and pulled his eyes away on me, while bobbing his head. He rested his arms behind him, supporting his weight, as his palms felt the softness of the sand.

His eyes are fixed on the front view as his tongue is playing along inside. Thinking what to reply with my question.

"What do I think of? Hmm.." he scratched his temple for a second and his arms went back on the sand again.

"Actually, it isn't difficult to depict a home. For some, it's about being luxurious. Having a huge mansion or house, a complete family and wealth. But for me, home is uhm...you know, where you feel like you're comfortable, loved, supported."

His voice was plaintive and I am hesitating to ask for more. I saw a faint smile appeared on his look.

"Ikaw ba?" Ipinasa niya sa'kin ang tanong ko. I pursed my lips as look above the twinkling stars.  I am actually not against with his own interpretation of home because all of them were right.

"Home is..." I gave out a faint smile like him.

"... somewhere you can feel you never walk alone." I continued and looked at him.

Funny how people infuse themselves that a real home depends on how full are you with luxury. How outnumbered you are inside that house. What's the use of it when you have issues with each other? What's the use of it if you can't even check your kin if he or she's doing alright because you're focusing on some unnecessary shits?

Home doesn't depends on how opulent you are. How complete are you inside your household. It's about how genuine and how can you lighten your kin's emotions by just your presence and how understanding you are when it comes to its up and down.

Can you feel you're at home if you have a lot of money? Can you feel you're at home if you are with many? Can you still feel at home if they weren't genuine? How can you feel you're home if the first people you thought that will believe and be with you through your ups and downs will be your biggest downer?

I felt a twinge on my cheeks as dad's palms landed on them. The loud sound is defeaning because of its smite. My tears were overflowing and I can't stop them.

"PINALAKI KA NA'MIN NG MAAYOS PERO GANIYAN LANG ANG GAGAWIN MO?! SAAN KAMI NAGKULANG ELIZABETH?! SAAN?!" I then shook my head as I sob in front of them. My family is crazily furious because of a false belief. Specially dad.

Why won't they believe in me?! I did nothing wrong! It was just a set up!

"HINDI AKO NAGHIRAP SA HOSPITAL NA I-ANAK KA PARA LANG TUMARANTADO KA! SAAN MO NATUTUNAN YAN? PESTE WALA KA TALAGANG KWENTA!" My mom yelled.

I want to fight for myself. I want to defend myself from them but even a word won't come out. Why is this happening to me?

"You're a preeminent student, Elizabeth! Can't you remember? And you're caught cheating?! You even keep the answer keys in your bag as if they won't find out! Ano bang pumasok dyan sa kokote mo?!"

"I-i did not do it. Maniwala naman kayo sa'kin.." I cried. Hoping they will believe in me despite of being hopeless. I can't cheat that way for pete sake! I know my limitations!

"Nakita ang answer key sa bag mo! How can we believe in you?! Buti pa sana kung walang ebidensya dahil pwede ka na'ming takpan. Pero punyeta!" I flinched when dad raised his arms again, ready to slap me twice. But my sister then stopped him.

"Lumayas ka sa pamamahay na ito. Wala kang kwenta! Layas! Sana namatay ka na lang!"

It feels like my whole world stopped. The extremism of their anger is as high as the extremism of my pain. I thought they're family. I thought they'll believe in me. Do they really think I can do that?

Tanggap ko pa sanang sabihan ako na wala akong kwenta kesa sa sabihan ako na mamatay na lang. Really? Pamilya pala yang ganiyan?

I never moved my feet. I don't want to leave the house. I still want to clear my name and prove to them that all of those were just a set-up and a false accusations. Kung lalayas ako, saan naman ako pupunta? My friends are probably ashamed of me.

I was startled when my dad aggressively held my hair and dragged me out of the house. My mom and sister on the other hand are only watching. Despite the blurry vision, I saw how they talked to the maids and in a just a minutes, my clothes were thrown off to me.

I begged and tried to reach my father's knees but he just kicked me. I held my stomach where he just kicked as I bit my lip. Halos mawalan ako ng hininga dahil sa sakit na nararamdaman ko both physically and emotionally.

"Lumayas ka't huwag ka na magpapakita pa! Don't you ever comeback again. Hindi na'min kailangan ng isang kahiyahiyang anak! You're such a disgrace to this family! You're a big disappointment!"

I rapidly wiped the tears that evaded on the corner of my eyes as my chest feels so tight again. I feel something in my throat that wants to set free so I clenched my fist and swallowed hard to prevent its release.

Even if it's already years ago, everything was still fresh. Akala ko nga magiging manhid na ako sa sakit pero hindi. I can still feel them. The pain is still here. And they will never ever leave.

I pursed my lips as I sigh.

"It's really easy to describe how home feels like. But it's hard to find one." He muttered.

"But atleast we have the moon, the stars, and the sun. They can make us feel that we're atleast in home. Comforted and believed in." I added.

"Why? Don't you have a home? Don't you have those you've mentioned?" He queried with confusion. I gave out a faint smile as I shook my head.

I heard his sigh so my eyes went into him, but unexpectedly, I didn't knew he's already staring at me.

He gave me a smile and it somehow screams assurance.

"Okay then. I can be your home. I'll be your home. As long as I am alive, you'll never walk alone."