Gone With The Wind ✔️

sixteen

Elizabeth

Umawang ang labi ko nang marinig ko ang mga katagang 'yon. My head stopped functioning, having trouble at processing the doctor's words. L-leukemia? S-stage t-two? W-what? I did not heard it right, right? It was just something...damn. Wala namang findings na ganito si Dra. Frida, ah? She should've know it first because she has been my doctor for years now!

The doctor looked at Wallace and gave him a faint smile. She tapped his back and looked at me, feeling sorry.

"Maiwan ko na kayo," She turned her back away from us and left I and Wallace alone. I released a faint smile as my tears starts to race down through my cheeks and neck. Wallace fingers immediately wiped it, releasing sighs. I looked at him and tried to replace my faint smile into an assuring one.

"Hey, I-I'm alright..." Trying to assure him although I'm really not. Yumuko siya't pasimpleng pinunansan ang mga mata niya bago ulit tumingin sa'kin. His eyes are turning a bit red and it was unavoidable for me to hurt more.

See? This is why I hate getting attached. Pinangako sa sarili ko na ako lang, para hindi na ako mahirapang pumikit at tuluyang maglaho. But he came. And I don't know whether to regret or not, that he came and was with me.

"B-bakit hindi mo sinabi? B-bakit hindi mo sinabi agad...n-na may sakit ka't m-mamat---damn, I can't say it." Napahagulhol siya't mas lalong hinigpitan ang hawak sa kamay ko. Napapikit ako ng mariin at napakagat sa labi habang hinahayaan kong rumagsa ang mga luha ko, kasabay ng kaniya.

This pains me so much. Seeing him like this pains me. I want to vacuum it out from him, I want to erase the sadness he's feeling right now. Kasi hindi madali sa'kin. Hindi madali sa'kin na tignan siya ng ganito. Gusto ko siyang yakapin, gusto ko siyang i-tahan kaso wala pa akong sapat na lakas ngayon.

"W-wallace, I am afraid. I don't know how...and why. That's why I chose to deny and be silent, lalo na noong una kasi naisip ko, bakit mo kailangang malaman? We were just strangers." Nag-angat siya ng tingin sa'kin.

"But we felt home with each other, right?" I nod at him and smiled. Because that's true. In him I feel the warmth of home again. Everyday, every second. With him everything feels all okay. He was with me everyday since I came here and we met. He was with me, as I live my remaining days. He was with me as I fulfill, little by little all of those written on my to-do list. He was always with me.

Kahit maikling panahon lang kaming magkasama, pero ang pakiramdam ay parang ang tagal na na'ming magkakilala.

"I still want to deepen, everything, Eli. C-can't you stay any longer? Pagod ka na ba talaga? Eli, huwag mo akong iwan. Please fight, please don't stop fighting. I still want to deepen everything about us, Eli. Even if I am not sure that you like me too, but I'll try." My mouth trembled as I control my sob.

I like you too, Wallace. My feelings for you are growing to but in our reality, this is already pointless.

"But, I can't and don't want to let you love someone who's already dying. You can't love someone who's dying. It'll be a torture for the both of us." I want to convince him more to just stop, and neglect his feelings. Maybe it sound cruel but it's just I don't want to see him suffer more.

He's a good man and deserves the best in life. He deserves to be happy and enjoy the things God has settled for him. I don't want to hinder his happiness. I don't want to hinder it with my death.

Hindi pa siguro ganoon kalalim ang nararamdaman niya sa akin, kaya baka kaya pa niya. Kaya pa niyang baliwalain at ibura ang nararamdaman niya para sa akin. Isang linggo pa lang kaming magkasama, baka kaya pa niyang ibura.