Wake Up Caroline

(24)

*WARNING/ this chapter may be triggering for someone with history or problems with depression and/or suicide.**

November 18, 2014

She stared at herself in the mirror. Her eyes were dull, her skin paler than usual. Bile churned in her stomach. She closed her eyes tightly, trying to keep it all down.

Her hands gripped the sides of her sink, her hair falling around her head in long waves.

Caroline looked up into the mirror, only to see someone she barley recognized. She rifled through the drawer of her sink, throwing her things around until she found what she was looking for. She barley felt the pain as she sliced it across her thigh. Only a little sting of pain. She'd done it so many times it began to feel normal. Blood trickled down her thigh, stinging as it went.

You deserve this. You're nothing, worthless, a waste of space. She couldn't handle the words her mind threw at her. It's crazy how someone can think all of these bad things about themselves. Yet thousands of people do it.

She washed the cuts with water before slapping a bandaid over it quickly.

Tears fell from her eyes, falling onto the shirt her mother had gotten her. Her backstabbing mother.

She didn't even want to think about what had been happening in her parents room when she had gotten there. The moans and giggles had been enough of a sign. Though it wasn't like she hadn't known.

She first found out when her mother asked if she had any extra condoms on her, and Caroline's dad had been out of town on business.

She quickly left the bathroom and ran out to her desk, where she grabbed a piece of paper and a pen.

She began to write. The first one to her boyfriend of two years.

•*•*•

It had been the end of the day when she first heard. Someone in her English class had asked if it was true. When she drove over to his house after school, she soon found out it was.

Caroline shut off she truck and hopped out of the car, running up and banging on his door.

"What the hell?" He said when he opened the door.

"No Scott, What. The. Hell!" She pounded on the door near his bicep.

He gripped her wrist and held it away from the door. "What the f*ck are you talking about Caroline."

I shoved my phone in his face, demanding an answer. "Are these pictures true? Did you cheat on me with Brooke?"

"What!"

"It's a simple yes or no question Scott."

"God Jackson you're such a fool. Someone did that to shit with you," he growled.

But she didn't believe him. "Tell me the goddamn truth!"

Her eyes widened as he turned his head to look her in the eyes. He grabbed under her jaw and pulled her head up. "Watch what you say."

She struggled for breaths as his grip tightened. To any bystander it might look like a romantic caress, but spots danced in front of her eyes from lack of breath.

"I know. I know you've been sleeping with Brooke. I know it was because I didn't put out but I do not regret that. I regret dating such a bast-"

He slapped her cheek, and grabbed her waist, squeezing tightly. "I didn't do anything. Now get out of here before I do."

Her heart skipped a beat and fear filled her lungs. She ran away from his grasp and towards her truck. In the distance she could hear the crash of glass and a string of crude language.

She drove over to her best friends house, knowing that would be the only place she could get some peace.

She pounded on the door, though less fiercely than at Scott's.

"Carry? Hey, are you okay?" Casey said as she opened the door.

Caroline shook her head and began to talk. Or at least she thought she did, but the words coming out of her mouth were inaudible.

"Caroline, slow down I can't under..."

"Casey, hurry up the shows about to come on!" Someone screamed from inside her house.

Caroline looked up, her eyes filled with anger. Brooke.

She shook her head, backing away from the door.

She ran back to her truck, Casey calling out behind her.

As she sped down the road Casey closed the door with a confused look on her face.

Tears streamed down Caroline's face as she drove towards home, not knowing what she would find when she got there.

•*•*•

She completed the finishing touch on the last letter and threw them under her pillow.

She grabbed her zip-up out of the closet and shrugged it on as she ran down the stairs.

"Caroline! What are you doing here?"

"I-I'm going out."

"Oh, well be back soon, you're on your own for dinner. I have a... work thing."

She nodded her head and ran out into the street, running until the subdivision was far from sight.

The only upside to living near a power plant, was the train yard.

Thousands of train cars covered in graffiti and dirt, making for the perfect place to go for quiet.

Off half a mile away was the large building, complete with towers and columns of smoke.

Caroline jumped onto the tracks, running up and down it until her breath wore out.

She kept a look out for workers and police, for it was getting dark out and they would soon be looking for "hooligans" and "wretched teenagers."

She couldn't blame them though. With the way the world is, she didn't blame herself for wanting to leave.

She stood off to the side of the tracks. Waiting until she heard the loud horn of an approaching train.

She waited until it came in sight, before jumping onto the tracks.

The bright lights shone in the darkness, her ears hurt from the loud shriek.

The Conductor saw her standing on the tracks, but it was much too late.

She opened her eyes waiting for the force. And when it came...

It was all over.