Betraying my Brother

Questions, Answers, and Secrets

I was sitting on my porch, head in hands when I heard his truck pull up. I stood up and ran down the pathway. He was stepping out of his truck just as I jumped up into his arms and clung on to him. I willed my tears to stay in as he held my head into my shoulder.

"Wanna go somewhere?" I nodded in his shoulder and stepped back so that I could walk over to the other side of the truck. I looked up at him to see him looking worried. It was the first time I had ever seen something other than amusement, happiness, and aggravation on his face.

I tried to smile to calm him down, but I think it came out as more of a grimance since he seemed to look more worried, if that was even possible.

The ride was completely silent. There was no music on as I usually took control of it as soon as I came into the truck. Jason kept looking at me worried, and I tried not to look at him. My legs were bouncing up and down, and I had a hand covering my mouth, just in case I started sobbing.

I don't know how long Jason drove for, but he pulled up to a park I've never seen. "We're in Andover. I figured you'd need the privacy, and not many people come here during the fall." I nodded, showing him I listened, "Do you want to stay in here and talk, or go for a walk?"

As much as I wanted to stay in the truck, I needed a big space so I didn't feel trapped, and so I could get some fresh air. "A walk, please."

Jason nodded, and got out. I opened the door before he came over, but I waited for him to take my hand so we could go for a walk.

It was silent for a while until we stopped about halfway through a park, "Do you want to sit down?" Jason asked and instead of answering him, I just sat down. I rubbed my hands along my pants, trying to calm my nerves. "I'm not great at this kind of stuff, but do you want to talk about it? Or..." He trailed off, and I could tell he was looking at me but I couldn't look at him yet.

"We went to see my mom today. She died seven years ago from complications during a surgery," I stated and there was no emotion in my voice. "Everything is fine until this day every year. I've always had Andy, and he's always had me. We've had each other. But my dad hasn't had anyone by his side since... She passed away..." I was crying and couldn't finish.

"It's okay. You don't have to tell me," Jason whispered, rubbing my back.

"That's it though. I have to tell you. Every year we sit at her grave," I paused because a sob escaped my lips, "and we tell her everything that has happened the past year." I took a deep breath, trying to calm myself down. I was probably scaring him away. "I wanted to tell her about us, that I found a guy I really like, but I couldn't. My dad and Andy were there, and I didn't want them hearing. If she was still here, she would've been so happy..." I looked in the opposite direction so that I could wipe my tears away. It was silent between the two us. I didn't know what Jason was doing, but I had finally got my crying under control. I looked over at him to see him turned towards me, but he was spaced out.

I put my hand on his cheek and he seemed to come back looking me right in the eye, "Do you want to go see her?"

I looked at him confused, "Who?"

"Your mom. I'll take you to see your mom, if you want." My jaw dropped as I looked at him, but he looked nervous about something.

"Are you sure? You really don't have to do this."

"I do, but I want to ask you something first."

I nodded, if he were to do this, then I would answer any question.

"Will you be my girlfriend?" My jaw dropped, and he took a deep breath. "Before you say anything, I know you said that you wanted to tell your mom about me, and I figured I would make it official and ask you to be my girlfriend. I had everything planned and I was going to ask you when we went out again. I know it's a totally inappropriate time but..."