Falling - 𝒥𝑒𝓈𝓈 𝑀𝒶𝓇𝒾𝒶𝓃𝑜

Chapter 22: Juilliard

The following weeks I have been more quiet than usual, ignoring every possible conversation about Jess I can get. Paris had decided not to use his name in the article, instead she wrote a story about how I had been madly in love with this young man.

I'm still not pleased about the article but no one seems to notice. It is like I am living in my own world, only Brad can see right through me and therefore invites me more at his home. I don't have a reason to be in Stars Hollow either way.

I asked Luke if I could take a break for a few weeks, explaining that I had to study for my exams at Chilton. He didn't even ask questions and told me I had to take all the time I needeed.

Honestly I am only trying to ignore Jess, normally I always work at Luke's, with or without exams. I need the money if I want to go to university. I don't want to depend on my parents for that, the question is if they would even pay for it if I ask.

That is why I have been working at Luke's for the past three years, I want to go to Harvard no matter what. The only thing I am still struggling with is finding the subject I want to study. I have no idea.

'If you both would like to take a break, I made a fresh salad', Brad's mother walks in his room, both of us looking up from our books. 'Thank you', I say soft and she smiles at me, bright as always.

His mother knows about my situation. Growing up, forced into something I didn't want to, moving all over the world and now living without parents in a big house. She knows even more than Luke, if he will ever find out my parents aren't living with me, he will literally kill them.

'Do you already know where you want to go to college?' His mother asks when we sit at the table. The sun is going down already and I realise I didn't tell Lydia I wasn't joining her and Gilbert tonight. Normally the three of us have diner every evening, but lately I have been absent a lot.

Lydia has been worrying about the situation, but she shouldn't. I am fine.

'I've always wanted to study at Harvard', I explain when Brad brings me back to reality. I smile apologizing at both of them but they don't mind. 'Harvard? That is rather impressive. Brad has already filled in his registration form but also for a few back-up schools', Helen explains.

'Really? You didn't tell me that', I notice and his head turns a little red. 'I applied for Harvard, Yale and Juilliard', he says soft.

'Juilliard? Brad that is amazing!'

'I never had imagined my son wanting to become an actor but life is full of surprises', his mother smiles at me and I agree with that. Brad wants the life I had been escaping, at least a part of it. We talk a lot that evening, planning our futures, laughing about some of those plans.

I have never felt something like family, but his mother is always here for me. So is Luke. I decide to take the bus, although his mother asked to bring me home herself but I kindly declined that offer.

Luke has always been there for me, and in some way I feel like I am letting him down at this point. I have to see him, even if it is for one small conversation.

(time skip)

Back in Stars Hollow I walk past the diner, seeing Jess clean the counter through the windows. He doesn't seem pleased at all but I can't care about that. I am done fighting over nothing, he can do whatever he want.

The bell rings when I walk in and he looks up at me, only to look down after one second. I sit down behind the counter, asking Ceasar for a coffee when Jess ignores me.

Even after ten minutes Luke hasn't arrived and I get more nervous. 'Where is Luke?' I ask when I don't find another conversation topic. Jess leans on the counter, staring at the people who leave the diner. It is almost closing time.

'He has some trouble with Lorelai', he mumbles. I want to ask why, Luke and Lorelai always have their fights but I quickly realise this one might we slightly bigger.

'Because of the accident?' I ask curious. Jess throws his towel on the ground, making me startle for a second, his eyes tense. 'That is none of your business', he hisses. I don't know what to tell him and take another sip of my coffee, seeing his regret.

'I'm sorry, Madelaine, I ...'

'I know it wasn't your fault', I interrupt him. The space and time I have given myself to think, clearly makes its effort. I realise that Jess shouldn't control my emotions, that doesn't mean he can't hurt me. It means that I can decide how much to show him.

'Luke doubts that', he mumbles. 'Luke cares about you and your safety. You should be grateful to have him', I mumble.

'He doesn't know, does he?' Jess asks, raising an eyebrow. I put down my coffee, not understanding him. 'He doesn't know your parents are in New York for, how long has it been, two years now?' I stand up quickly, shaking my head. 'He doesn't need to know'.

'I thought you cared so much about him?' 'Jess, please don't ever tell him that. I don't need my parents, I am fine', I mumble before I open the door to walk outside.

'Whatever', he sighs and I close the door behind me, walking into the cold evening, all by myself.