Falling - 𝒥𝑒𝓈𝓈 𝑀𝒶𝓇𝒾𝒶𝓃𝑜

Chapter 50: Back Home

'My father expects me to arrive in California tomorrow', I tell Madelaine again, her gaze blurry out the window. We sit in her little apartment, she has barely talked since her father left. We both have troubled parents.

'You can come back to Stars Hollow,' she urges, but she sounds tired. Tired of trying. 'You know I can't', I whisper. She sighs deep, fighting all her emotions. I could see it by the look on her face. She is hurt.

I sit down next to her, holding my arms tight around her. My face buried in her thick hair. Spring has started, I can feel it by the heath of the sun on our faces.

'Have you decided yet?' I ask after a while. She leans a little against me, breathing deep in and out. We both have decisions to make.

'All my parents wanted was for me to become a professional dancer,' she whispers. 'I can't be that at Yale or Harvard.'

'Juilliard -' I start but she turns around in a rush, her eyes warning. 'I've already told you I appreciate the thought but I never wanted to go to Juilliard. Besides, they only excepted me because of my name.'

'That's insane.'

'No, it isn't, Jess. That is how everything works, believe me. When I registered to Harvard and Yale I used a fake name.' Her blue eyes widen with every word, making clear her point. When I don't respond she turns around again, leaning against me. Seems that she isn't that mad.

'You would have Brad at Juilliard,' I remark, the thought only making me feel nauseous . 'That is not a reason to choose between these universities,' she mumbles and for one moment I feel relieved. That is until I get an idea.

'Why don't you take a gap year and join me in California? We could do all the things we did in New York, we only have to find a job and ...'

'Are you insane?' She asks this time, her voice high and starts laughing. 'I'm serious, Maddy.'

'I can't,' she sighs and turns to face me, despair all over her face. 'If I want to make my parents proud I have to go to college now, not later.'

'Why do you want them to be proud? They have never been,' I notice and see the way all the hope disappears from her face. Shit. 'I didn't mean ...'

'No, believe me, you are right. But maybe now I can change that,' she says a little harsher and stands up from my lap, taking her coat.

'We have to leave if you want to catch your flight,' she mumbles and walks out of the door with only her purse. She is mad. I deserve that.

The whole taxi ride we don't say a word, barely looking at each other. I take her hand for one moment, feeling her cold skin against mine but she pulls back. Tears in her eyes. I can't tell if she is mad or sad. Maybe both.

The whole time of waiting we stare at the ground, knowing that in only a few minutes I have to leave for California. I can't handle this.

'You can still join me ...'

'I can't,' she urges again. Madelaine looks at the ground, clearly fighting her tears until she looks up again and immediately falls in my arms, sobbing loudly.

'This isn't a goodbye. Not anymore,' I whisper and lay my head against hers. 'Then why does it feel like that?' My flight gets announced, telling me I should go further. People around us say goodbye to each other, families being torn apart. Here I stand with the girl that has always loved me, crying again.

'Look at me,' I whisper and lay both my hands around her face, forcing her to look at me. 'The moment you are back in Stars Hollow you ask Luke the number of my father and we'll stay in touch. There is no way I'm leaving you again.' The words come out of my mouth without thinking, all so natural.

'You've never left me,' she reminds me and laughs weakly. My flight getting announced for the second time.

'I love you,' I whisper and before she can answer kiss her passionately, not caring about the other people around us. The only thing that matters is us. That's how it's always been.

After one tight hug I turn around, only to hear her behind me after one second. 'Jess, wait,' she says weak and grabs something from her purse. A tiny, rather familiar book. She hands it to me and I look at the cover, a smile on my face again.

'You gave this when I left New York,' she says. 'You told me this book would bring us back together one day.' Without thinking I hold her in my arms again, kissing her softly when they call my flight again. I can't stay longer. Her arms rest behind my neck, forcing me to give her one last kiss.

'We can run away, go wherever you want. I have everything when I'm with you,' I whisper hoarse. She smiles shy, shaking her head softly. 'This isn't a goodbye,' she reminds me.

That is the last thing she has told me before I walked away. This isn't a goodbye.