Falling - 𝒥𝑒𝓈𝓈 𝑀𝒶𝓇𝒾𝒶𝓃𝑜

Chapter 43: Falling Apart

'The porter will bring your luggage upstairs,' my father says before leaving my room. I don't react, staring at the view of the streets in Paris. Never in my life I thought I would end up here again. Especially not under these circumstances.

Jess has assured me that leaving for Paris is a good thing, that I have to see my mother before it is too late. Still I wonder after what has happened over the last days, how he could be fine about me being on another continent?

I look at my phone, dying to call him for only one minute, when his name appears on my screen. Fate interfering with my life.

'We have to leave, visiting hours are almost over,' my father reminds me when he enters my room again. I stare one last moment at Jess' name and hide the phone in my pocket. I will call him later.

Once outside I feel six years younger, being an eleven year old girl with great dreams to conquer the world. I smile at that thought, breathing in the cold air of France. If I look back at my dancing career now, it doesn't even seem that horrible, but deep down, I know it has been. Otherwise I wouldn't have given up.

We walk towards the hospital from our hotel room, past my old dance school. I stop walking for a second, staring through the huge window in front of it. Small children rehearsing for the ballet they would perform. My father lays his hand on my shoulder, and I can see his reflexion next to mine, full of pity.

'I'm sure that Joanna and Billie still dance here,' he notices. A soft laugh appears from my throat, thinking back of the only friends I had in Paris. I haven't thought about them in years and wonder if they would even remember me.

'I saw Joanna participated in the same musical a friend of mine acted in,' I tell my father, not even sure why I start a conversation. We walk further for a few minutes, talking about memories we shared, which aren't as many. Still it feels good to be able to talk with him.

I never saw him as my father, mainly because he has been absent a lot. Not only the last years but my whole life. It was always mom and I, still I never seemed to be good enough for her either.

We walk through the double doors of the hospital, asking a nurse in which room we should be and she leads us towards a white door on the end of the fourth floor. Room 425. My father thanks her in silence before knocking softly on the half-open door.

He walks in and I wait for a moment, breathing in deeply before following him. I hate hospitals.

'Tu es Madelaine Scott!' A little girl yells when she rolls in the hallway with her wheel chair. I turn around in a rush, nodding softly before entering my mother's room. That hasn't happened ever since I left Stars Hollow. No one even tried to yell my name in public. Only Kirk had.

I close the door behind me when I hear a deep sigh behind me and look over my shoulder to see my mother after three years, laying down in her bed.

'Mom,' I say unsure and her eyes widen softly. She looks exhausted, barely able to move. With a small gesture she asks me to come to her and I do. The moment she takes my hand her eyes light up a little and her breathing becomes louder.

'You came,' she whispers and I nod furiously, tears appearing in my eyes. 'Of course I came,' I sigh and take her hand in mine again. We sit like that for a moment, watching each other until my father stands up to get us something to drink and leaves me behind with my mother. I have no idea what to tell her.

'Tell me how you are,' my mother says with her broken voice. I can see all the hope in her eyes. 'I'm doing great, I think we should talk about -' But she keeps me quiet in a second.

'They can't help me, and I found my peace,' she assures me and lays her hand around my cheek.

'You can't possibly accept this,' I mumble through the tears but she nods, assuring me she is. 'You are graduating in a month?'

'I am,' I whisper back and can see it pleases her. 'Tell me you applied for Harvard, or maybe Juilliard?' Her hand releases my face and she tries to sit a little straighter.

'I applied for Harvard, Yale and Oxford. I never thought about applying for Juilliard,' I say confused. What is the big deal about Juilliard? Even Jess had mentioned it before I left.

'You will do great, whatever you do,' she whispers proud. My father walks back in, handing me a coffee when I stand up. I have to cry and I can't do it in front of her, it will only break her even more.

'Excuse me,' I whisper before leaving the room.

'She loves you.' I hear my father say to my mother before I close the door, as if he has to assure her. I lean against the wall, tears streaming down my face when I start sobbing loudly. All of a sudden she can show me that she actually is proud of me, while all I have wanted was to know that for years.

I sink down on my knees, my head feeling heavy all of a sudden and I unlock my phone to read two small messages.

Call me if you have arrived safely - Brad

I need to talk with you, please - Jess

I smile at both of them, knowing that right now I can only respond to one of them.

I'm safe in Paris, text you later I send it to Brad and remind myself I have to call Jess this evening. I have to go back inside and talk with my mother first.

But how would I do that without completely falling apart?