When the Party's Over

August 3o

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Hey guys! Thanks for reading another story of mine!

Ok, so I just wanted to put a small disclaimer here before you get to the story. This journal is mostly fictional, but it is raw and graphic during some parts, so this is a sexual assault and suicide trigger warning here. This was a story/project I did in school a few years ago, and I just wanted to share it on here as well.

Also, throughout some of this journal, there are a few drawings and sketches I put in some of the chapters, but none of them are mine. I found them all on Pinterest, they're just some amazing and realistic drawings I thought matched my  main character's thoughts and feelings she has after the assault. Originally for the school project I did do my own drawings, but I couldn't put them in here, so I just found other drawings that are similar. If I knew who the artists were I would credit them, but I don't unfortunately. I just wanted to clear all that up.

Ok, so anyways I hope you enjoy this journal. Thank you!

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Dear Diary,

Man, that sounds dumb. That's such a cliche, everyone starts off entries like that. Well, at least that's how people do in TV shows and movies. Maybe not in real life, I don't really know how normal people start these. Maybe I'll just start by saying 'hey D' from now on, like I'm talking to one of my friends or something. I guess I can call you a friend, cause I'll probably be talking to you way more than my actual friends. I'll call you D too, just saying journal or diary makes you feel less real, and I want to feel like I'm talking to a friend or something when I'm writing in you. I don't know why, I just do.

I don't usually write in journals or whatever, but my mom got you for me for my birthday. She thinks I should start writing in a journal, like a place to put all my feelings or something. I think she worries about me too much. But I'm not totally oblivious, I know why she worries. She doesn't have to anymore, that happened like a year ago, I'm all good now. She doesn't think so. Don't get me wrong D, I love her and all, but she makes me feel weird when she worries too much. Like I'm a flight risk or something, like I'm about to jump over the rails. She doesn't get that I'm all good now, she doesn't have to worry anymore. But I think she always will.

To make her happy, I'll start writing in you. But I kinda want to anyways. There's some things I can't tell my friends that I can tell you. Well, it's not that I can't, I just feel like they won't understand. They'll think I'm weird or something. They'll think there's something wrong with me. I like my friends, but I don't at the same time. They're kinda annoying. I mean they're fun to hang around with in class and during spares and lunch, they always make me laugh. But they just joke around, they don't take things seriously. We don't talk about serious stuff. I feel like if I do tell them some things they'll just start looking at me funny, and won't want to hang out anymore. I guess they're more like school friends, we talk at school but not really outside of it. I just feel like they talk about boys and clothes and school stuff way too much, but not real world stuff. Like our futures, or our families, or things bothering us. I don't know, do other friend groups talk about that stuff? Or is it me that's just weird and expecting too much?

The nice thing about you D, is that you won't judge me. I need that in my life. In school I feel like it's all about judgment. People judge me all the time, or at least I think. Sometimes I get weird looks in the halls, or in classes. Especially when I'm called down to the counsellors office, I get even more stares whenever they say my name over the intercom.

"Can I please have Katherine Baker to the principal's office" or "to the guidance counsellors office". I hate that. Not just the stares I get in the hall, but the way they say my name too. I don't like Katherine, it sounds too prissy and proper to me, like a middle-aged woman's name. I just like Kat, that's what my friends call me, and my family too. It's just nicer.

I guess people look at me weirdly because of what happened last year. But why can't they just forget about all that already? Can't they see I'm all good now? Like, I'm fine, stop looking at me! I'm just as normal as anyone else in the school, I'm just like everyone else, nothing special. But I think that's all anyone will ever see me as, at least for the rest of high school. I'm just gonna be known as the 'freakout girl, the drama queen, the mentally unstable one'. But I think if anyone lost their dad the way I did last year, they'd act the same way I did.

Ok, let's get over the introductions already, I'm sick of this sad crap. I don't want to write all about my sad life in here, I want to talk about what's coming next, my future which I hope is brighter. I mean, I think everyone has to deal with some bad things in their lives, I've already been through some pretty sad and depressing stuff, I'm done with hardships now right? My mom and I have already had some bad things to deal with this past year, we're all good now right? We can just go on to new and happy and exciting things, right? I hope so. I like how I'm asking you these questions even though I know you can't answer. But I have a pretty good feeling what the answer is. I've dealt with the bad things, now I'm invincible. Or at least that's how I feel now, like I can handle anything now that comes my way.

Ok, so now onto the happy stuff. I'm starting school again soon. I guess that's not so exciting, but it's something different, and a year closer to getting out of this crappy school and graduating! I mean, I guess this school isn't that bad, it could be worse. But still, it's school, I'm not really a fan. I'm going into grade eleven, and I know most of my teachers so that's good. And the other day my friends and I got our schedules in the mail and we have most of the same classes! So at least there's that. I really hate having a class with none of my friends in it. I'm not one to talk to others I don't normally talk to, I like to keep to myself. I just do my work and get out when I have a class with no friends in it. It sucks, but whatever, I just go meet my friends afterwards. I think I only have like two classes with none of my friends, so I should be fine.

Ok, so I guess that's the end of the first entry. I'm gonna try and write in you everyday, so I guess we'll see how that goes. See ya!