When the Party's Over

September 6

Hey D,

Ok, I'm back now. It's like 4pm, and I just got back from school. And I have to tell you D, it wasn't that bad! It was actually pretty good! I was a bit nervous this morning, but then I just took a few squirts of that Rescue Remedy stuff and the nerves completely went away!

So I got to school this morning around 9, headed to my homeroom class, and saw a few of my friends. I guess today doesn't really count as the first day, cause the whole morning I was just stuck in my homeroom. That's the routine for every first day of a new school year. So I sat with two of my friends, Amanda and Jacklyn, they're the only two in the same homeroom as me. So we got our new lockers and everything, set all our stuff inside, and just started to go through some of our courses and schedules and we had to talk to our homeroom teacher individually for awhile. I honestly don't know why, but that's always the routine.

My locker is located literally in the busiest hall in the whole school. Ugh, it's the worst! In grade nine it was great, my locker was on the third floor, it's not even busy up there. Last year I was moved to the main floor, in the new wing of the school, like the busiest place of all. And now I'm back there again, but down another hall. Ugh I hate it D, people are always bumping into me and rushing past others, like I'm literally shoved against my locker all the time. And I'm stuck next to the kids a year younger than me who smell real bad, god it's gross.

Ahhh, look at that, I'm judging again. So far I'm not doing so good with that. But whatever, maybe I'll get better at it. It's only the first day.

And to make matters worse, my locker is directly across from the grade twelve bench. It's stupid really. People call it that cause apparently only the grade twelves can sit on it, but that's not even true. If anything, they should just call it the popular bench, cause only the popular kids sit on it. The popular kids in all grades seem to know each other and are friends, they're always laughing too loud and just acting dumb. But mostly the people I see sitting on that bench when I'm around is the popular guys in my grade. There's a lot of them, and I'm just not a fan. Well, I can't really say that since I hardly talk to them, it's not like they're mean or anything. I guess they just seem kinda douchey and like jerks, that's why I stay away from them I guess. But Matt is one of the popular guys, he hangs around them all the time and he doesn't really seem like a jerk. I mean, he did just stop talking to me all together awhile ago, I guess that was kinda douchey. I don't know, I still don't really know how to feel about him anymore.

Anyways, I guess I just gotta ignore all those guys. I mean, they don't bother me, they just annoy me cause they do stupid things, they're like little kids sometimes. But I guess I'll just try and block them out. I won't focus on them this year, I have to worry about myself more.

Ok, enough of that boring crap, let's get back to what happened today! I bet you're dying to know D. Ok, so we had lunch, and I hung around with all my friends outside. Some lame people in grade nine I think stole our spot in the lunch room, so we were forced to eat somewhere else. What a bunch of dumb kids, they obviously don't know their place. But they're grade nines, they'll learn. It was pretty nice out today though so it wasn't that bad.

If you're wondering D, I have five other friends; Amanda, Jacklyn, Cass, Nathalie and Alex. I became friends with all of them in grade nine, although I had known them since middle school. But we never spoke until we all entered high school. I don't know why, and I kinda forget how we became friends. It was just like one day we were all by ourselves, and the next together, almost inseparable, but that's only in school. We're all very separable outside of school. We hardly text on weekends, or even this summer. I wish we were closer, that's another big goal of mine this year as you know D. I constantly see other people in my class on Snapchat or Instagram hanging with their friends, going to the beach, around each other's houses, watching movies or whatever. I wanna be like that, instead of just hanging around Hayley. Don't get me wrong D, I love Hayley and I love hanging out with her all the time, but I don't want her to be my only friend. She has other friends she hangs out with, I want that too.

We sat in a circle today at lunch outside, and we just laughed and joked around with each other like no time had passed at all. It's nice laughing with them, although they don't always get my sense of humour, not like me and Hayley do. But that's ok, I still like joking and hanging around with them.

If I had to pick just one out of the group I'm close to, it has to be Cass. She's just always there, always around, especially if I'm down or upset about something. She's the only one who seems to really care about me, almost as much as Hayley. Like she looks out for me in a way. Last year she really stuck around when I had my meltdown, and I'm surprised my other friends did too. I think she's the one who convinced them I needed them around, I needed friends to support me or whatever. If it was up to the rest of them I think they would have left me alone, like they didn't want to be involved with all the drama. Like I told you D, they don't ever talk about real life stuff and problems we have. They just like to joke around. It's hard sometimes, but I know I can usually talk to Cass about some things, and I know for sure I can always talk to Hayley about anything.

Oh, I almost forgot D, I hardly got any weird looks in the hall today! They didn't call my name once over the intercom, and when I was walking with my friends in the hall or just by myself hardly anyone looked at me, let alone any odd stares! Maybe I was wrong, maybe things are gonna go my way this year! Maybe everyone has forgotten what I was like last year, maybe my freakout fits and meltdowns have disappeared from their minds, like wiped super clean. God, I hope so. Maybe this year I can be a brand new me. Let's hope!

Ok, I'm gonna go now, my mom's calling me to help with dinner. Ugh, I hate helping, I just wanna eat the food, not help prepare it. Anyways, see ya later D!