When the Party's Over

July 31

Today was my birthday, and it was actually pretty fun! Hayley's here, she came here for the weekend and then she decided to stay the week since it's summer and everything. She doesn't have enough clothes, so I'm just loaning her some of mine. We usually borrow each other's clothes anyways, we're like the same size.

So for my birthday we all went to dinner, my family still doesn't leave my side. At first it was annoying, I felt like I was constantly being babysat. But now I really like having them around. It's like a security thing or something. I don't know, I just like it, I feel like I'm really being supported and loved. It's a weird feeling really, but it feels nice. Really nice.

So we went out for dinner to Olive Garden, and they had this chocolate cheesecake that was so good! Omg it was like the best thing I ever had, I could eat that everyday. We ordered another piece to take home, and me and Mom finished it in the car. I couldn't help it! I'm not a huge fan of cheesecake, but I love chocolate, and the two just really went together!

So after that the five of us went out to go see deer. That's something I've gotten in the habit of with my grandparents. Around like 7 or 8 when it starts to get dark, my grandparents and I go to one of the provincial parks, and we drive real slowly and watch the deer in the fields and woods. Sometimes they have their babies with them, their little Bambi's, and they're so cute! I just like watching them, they're such beautiful animals. I don't understand how people can hunt them. Ok, I kinda understand some people who hunt them for food, I still don't like that but I understand. But what I don't get are the people who just hunt them for trophies and then hang them from their walls. That's just inhumane to me. That's just disturbing, they belong in the wild, in their natural habitats, their homes, not dead on some guy's wall.

Hayley really liked seeing the deer too, she was just mesmerized by them it seemed like. It was really fun.

And then after that we went back home to my grandparents place and I opened gifts. Hayley made me a photo collogue of us, there were so many pictures of us from when we were kids too, you couldn't even see the paper behind it! It was so pretty and cute, she really made it look nice with the small decorations she put on it too. I love it! I hung it on my wall right after that! She's so sweet and thoughtful, I'm really glad I still have her as a friend. I don't know what I'd do without her. She's literally the bestest friend I could have asked for. She's more like a sister to me than anything.

My mom got me another journal, of course, and she made me this really nice blanket. Somehow she printed off a bunch of pictures of me and her and my dad too from years ago, and she sewed them all into the blanket. On the other side the fabric is all soft and has elephants on it, my favourite animal. I almost cried when I saw the blanket, it's beautiful. I looked at the pictures of all of us for like an hour, there were so many on there. She somehow printed the pictures on other pieces of fabric and sewed them on, I don't know how, she's a genius. I love it so much, and I love her so much too. I don't know what I would have done without her either. She's been there for me since day one, she's never judged me or turned against me through this whole thing. She's held me for countless nights through this whole thing, especially when I wake up daily from nightmares still. We've had hour long talks together, we've cried so many times together I can't even count. She's just as much my best friend as Hayley is. I feel her love for me always, that's never going away. And neither is mine.

And my grandparents, they bought me a whole bunch of Disney movies to watch with them. They have a few and we always watch them together, the movies always cheer me up and my grandparents really like being around me and helping me during some of my darker and sadder days. Now we have a whole lot to watch together! And they also got me a bunch of chocolate, since I keep eating all their's, but they say they don't mind. And then they got me a few cat toys for Rami, they really like having him around too. Sometimes I'll come upstairs to look for him, and my grandpa is playing with him in the living room with one of the toy mice on a string. I like seeing them play with Rami, I'm glad they like having him around. And then the last thing they got me was a small, gold necklace of a star. It's really small and delicate, it's so pretty. And on the card that came with the necklace it said the star represented strength.

'Sometimes life is just hard, but hard does not mean impossible. There will be times when you break, but it does not mean you are broken. Find your inner strength and let it light the fire in you. Remember that you do not need a giant flame to set a fire — all you need is a tiny spark. One spark of strength to lighten up the darkest of moments. Never underestimate your strength, you're stronger than you think.'

It really is pretty, and is an important message, especially to me, at this moment. I'm going to wear the necklace everyday, and when I'm feeling down, I can just look at it and I hope it reminds me of how far I've come. It's kinda cheesy I will say, but it's the thought that counts, and I really appreciate and love my grandparents for being so supportive. I can't believe I've become so close to them within months, but they've been through a lot with me in such a short time. I can't express how much I appreciate and love them so, so much. They are everything to me, just like my mom and Hayley. I don't think I'd be here right now without them.