When the Party's Over

September 3

Hey D,

Yeah I know, I suck at sticking to promises or commitments sometimes. I say I'm gonna write in you everyday, yet here I am, days later. And it's not like I even have a life to use excuses for, I literally don't. I've basically just been lying in bed the past few days, just watching movies and Netflix and stuff. I honestly have such a boring life. Like, I feel like people who write in journals have somewhat exciting lives, writing about adventures, or cool and exciting things they did throughout the day, or even just some stuff going on in their lives. Like, even if it's bad stuff, it's still stuff going on. Then there's just me.

You wanna know the highlight of the past few days? One of my fav movies was put back on Netflix, White Chicks. God I love that movie, it's so good! I could literally watch that days in a row and never get sick of it. Well, that's basically what I've been doing. Oh, and also another highlight was that I ate multiple bags of Doritos in a few days and I didn't gain a pound! My mom likes to tease me and joke around saying I won't be like that forever, one day it'll catch up to me. And then I tell her, well, at least that day isn't today.

I eat way too much food sometimes, even if I'm not hungry. It's like I'm just bored or something and need something to do. So I eat, and eat, and eat. But the good thing is I don't gain anything. Maybe that's because I'm still active, I have gym class in school. Oh, and I'm super excited cause this year we're finally given the option of doing regular class gym, or independent gym! I'm for sure doing independent gym, god I hate the classes. Like, I'm fine when we play soccer and basketball and stuff, that's usually pretty fun. It's just the other sports I'm forced to play, like baseball and volleyball, man those suck. First of all, it's just embarrassing when I keep missing the ball when I swing in baseball, and everyone gets mad at me in volleyball when I miss the ball on purpose and let it hit the ground.

"Kat, you idiot! What the hell, you're supposed to hit it! You were right there!" they'll yell at me while the other team high fives each other since they got another point. Man I hate the kids in my class. Like, chill out! It's literally just a friendly, fun, gym class game, not like we're playing for the Olympics or something. Ugh they're annoying.

But, anyways, yeah, I'm thrilled that I'm gonna finally being doing my own thing. I'm probably just gonna go to the weight room or sit on the bikes for an hour during one of my spares. Finally no ones gonna get mad at me, or yell at me, and I won't feel that slight panic when the teachers say we gotta pick a partner and I'm the odd one out with no one. The last few years I've only had like two other friends in my gym class, so when we pick partners there's always one of us out. I hate when it's me, that's the worst. Then I gotta be forced to partner up with the lonely, weird, loser kid in the class that no ones friends with. But I mean, I really shouldn't judge, because in those situations, I guess I'm one of the loser kids too.

I feel bad for those kids sometimes. Like, they always seems so lonely. Always sitting by themselves reading or doing their homework or something. Sometimes I think of walking over to them and starting a conversation, like maybe becoming a friend of theirs. But the thing is they really don't help themselves out, cause they always smell real bad and they just look at you all creepily or say some really weird stuff. Like, are they trying to not make friends? Is this a challenge for them? I don't know, maybe they're just socially awkward and don't know how to talk to people, and maybe their home life isn't great and they can't shower often. I talk about people judging me too harshly sometimes, but maybe I'm just as bad as everyone else. I should really stop that.

Ok, here's a goal of mine this year D: stop judging people before you get to know them. Actually, I should just stop judging people all together. Yeah, let's do it. Challenge accepted.

Ok, so let's get to the point I guess. I suck at rambling on and on, I'm sure you've figured that much out already. I don't know, I guess I really don't have a full purpose in these entries. Like there's not one thing I specifically want to talk about, or one reason to write in you. I kinda just write what comes to mind at the moment, like a place to put down all my thoughts and feelings or whatever. But I'm assuming I'm not gonna have a lot of feelings starting school soon. I mean, it's probably going to be the same as last year. Grade nine was something new cause I started high school and met new people so it was exciting and nerve-wracking starting school then. And I can imagine next years gonna be exciting cause it's my last year. But grade ten and eleven are probably gonna feel like the same. I'm already used to the school so it's now just become boring. Nothing new going on which sucks, but at least I'm comfortable, right?

School starts in a few days, on the 6th. I'm kinda looking forward to it, so I'm not just lying around the house all the time anymore. Well, I guess I haven't been doing that completely, I have been working a bit too. I got a job at a pet store close to my house. I'm just a cashier right now which is kinda boring, I'm literally just standing there for my whole shift. But hopefully once I get more comfortable there and know my stuff and everything, they'll switch me to pet care. I really hope so, that way I can work with the animals more and feed them and all. They are all so cute! Not so much the snakes and lizards, I don't know I'm just not a huge fan of them. But I love the cats and the hamsters! I wish I could take them all home. I've tried talking my mom into letting me get a cat, and she said she'll think about it but it's been like weeks. Can't she think faster!

Ok, so again, I guess that's it for today. See ya!