When the Party's Over

April 6

They're back in school now. They walk the halls like they own it. People surround them on the grade twelve benches, talking to them, saying how sorry they are for what happened. Ask if they're ok after sitting in jail for months. They keep playing it up, telling everyone stories, putting on a show. I hear them, they make me disgusted.

They don't talk to me though, but they're now in my classes again, and they keep eyeing at me. They whisper and make comments, loud comments to each other, but they don't say anything to me, not like before. Wait, no that's a lie. Sometimes they say hi, like, mockingly when I pass by them. But that's all. But everyone else still says things to me. They're worse now, I hate everything.

The police dropped the charges, my mom had a talk with them the other day. They said there wasn't enough evidence to charge them with rape. They said the clothes I gave them just had their DNA and stuff on them, and that makes sense with the story they told the police. They said it was consensual that night, that I wanted to hookup with both of them. They said they weren't into it at first, but I was really persuasive or something stupid like that, like I was pushing them to have sex. So in that case, it makes sense why their DNA was on my clothes. I can't believe it. I wanted to scream when I heard that.

What the hell? That's what they told the cops? Do they believe them more than me? Or course they do, why else would they drop the charges and release them? Ugh, I hate my life! I hate everything! Why the fuck did this have to happen to me?! Why does everything in my life have to turn to shit?

I quit my job the other day. I told Yvette, one of my managers that I just couldn't do it anymore, it was starting to get worse in the store. Some kids from school who know I work there started showing up just to say mean things to me. Just to call me out, cause I don't ever say anything online to them or in school. Even when I work stock they were starting to follow me around the store, and some of my coworkers would stand up for me sometimes, and other times my managers would tell them to leave. But they still kept coming back. I couldn't do it. So I said I had to leave for now. But Yvette was nice, she said she was sad to see me go, but she understood. And she said I'll always be welcomed back whenever I start to feel better and want a job again. I really appreciate it, and her so much.

My mom and me are staying in a hotel right now because our house was too badly burnt. Some officers at the police station are looking into it, trying to find out who started the fire, but if I'm being honest I don't think they're doing that great a job. It's like they just don't care enough. Don't care about me, or my family. But what did we expect, really? Unless we were dead, no one ever cares, not really. Because in this world, no one ever seems to care, until someone's gone.

My mom and I are only staying at the hotel for a few more nights until we're moving out to live with my grandparents for awhile. They live in Victoria too, I don't see them too much, only for holidays and stuff. I visited them on the weekend a little while ago when we made a trip to Victoria, and of course they knew what was going on. But they weren't like everyone else, they believed me. And they treated me like I was going to break at any minute, like my mom's been treating me lately. I don't know how to feel about it. I guess it's better than them not believing me. I don't know. But at least I'll be away from everything going on here. My teachers are giving me some stuff to do online and homework to do while I'm gone for a bit. We're only staying until the workers fix our house up. It wasn't too badly burnt, it should be done in a little while, but it's too burnt for us to live in it.

I feel so bad for my mom. She lost her job the other day with all this going on. Kids from my school burnt down our house, the one we lived in with my dad. They broke windows and spray-painted stuff on the sides of the house. I'm just destroying and wrecking everything in her life. Everything would be so much better and easier for her if I wasn't here. I shouldn't be here. No one wants me here anymore, I just want to go. And I don't want to be here anymore either.