♦Okay, I don't want to pass by four ways. This sentence sound so French. I digress. I mean I want to get straight to the point, I love you.
Me not reacting... (He does ?)
♦We always talk late on the phone at night.
Me not reacting...( Yes because we are friend).
♦I always think about what you have been doing when we don't speak for a week.
Me not reacting (yes because that what friends do).
♦When we don't speak for a week, I feel irritated.
☼ T.J for real ? (Oh my gosh, I am feeling so awkward. awkward. awkwaaard.)
♦Wait you don't feel the same about me ?
☼ I feel whatever you told me, but still as awkward it might sound, I am not in love though. I deeply and truly care about you. But this is not being in love. Plus so far you are the oldest friend I have, and you know that so far I have been loved with nobody. I told you already about that. All the feelings and physical description of being in love I have never experienced that. (He wanted to say something) Wait, you know that I am planning to go back in France for a good time. So to me telling me this is just selfish of you. Now you can talk.
♦Trésor, how do you think love works, operate huh ? Why should hide, shuck my feelings as they are appearing. One thing you surely know about me is that I am a very straightforward person. Now I told you what is on my heart. If you don't want to receive my feelings, that hurts but fine. At least I got the chance to express them. We remain silent for a moment. That's all I remembered of this like talk with TJ. In fact that is all I want to share. I believe this was the most important part. There I am in the train. Looking at my reflection in the window. My hair covered with a scarf. I love headwrap, it is often my go to style. But today I am just wearing a random headwrap because I was not feeling like doing my hair. One, doing your hair is expensive. Two doing your hair, yourself is exhausting. The previous hairstyle I did myself was braids, medium size braids. I would love my next hairstyle to be some nice locks.Oh no, the train is randomly stopping in the middle of the journey. Announcement : Dear passengers in order to arrange the traffic we temporarily need to stop. We are just waiting for the green light. It should be brief. Sight. My phone battery is almost dying, so I am as well slowly dying. I am very sensitive to loud noise, crowd noise. My phone better don't let me down, for the sake of my peaceful journey.
-Hi madam, tea or coffee ?
☼Tea please. Thank you very much.
Hmm warm tea. Perfect to distress my nerves. I prefer fruit tea, but it is okay their typical English breakfast tea, would. A one long sentence just to say bitter tea in my opinion. I can see the steam reflecting on the window. As boring this could seem, this could be a movie scene. Just a transition scene. Oh gosh I really need to catch up on sleep. Those dark circle under my eyes are so obvious even on this window.
My body is tired, and I, the same person who is tired need to take care of myself. What a joke. Today I have already been irritated by not cooperating hair. Not that I really tried. But for real though ? A child that has never been taking care of her own hair, how would I have any sort of effective automatism facing my hair. This hair better be under that scarf.This scarf, as random it is, is the first gift TJ gave me at 13 years old. Yeah I know how to maintain my stuff in good condition.
He knew that headwrap was my fave accessory ever. I maybe got that from Soweto culture, through who ? I don't know. Fun fact, TJ once told me : ♦ I have never seen your real hair. Not that I care about hair. But, Girl, It has been 11 years that I know you. So how did you manage between all this hairstyle change to never show your hair.I said ☼ "Well it all an Art, TJ. I got my hair on schedule, haha."Yeah, he had never seen my hair. But was still assuming and expressing his love to me. Hair shouldn't be a big deal but I don't know.
I feel like if you never had the chance to see my hair, it means that there is a part of me that I have decided that I was not sharing with anyone. This hair that is supposed to be part of me, my identity.
I am passing my hand under my scarf, pulling this coily and knotted hair. The passenger behind me is going to think that my head is itchy and that I am actually trying to ease my skull lol.
We have finally reached Gare du Nord station.
Passengers are hurrying as if they all had important place to be in the next minutes. This guy is so much that he dropped his passport. Luckily we are still in the train. Since we are many passengers I am not surprise of those micro movement now. I feel so lazy to bow down and get his passport to him. You know how your body hurt after the very first gym session. This is my body right now, and I don't even know I have done to provoke that.
Aaarf, if it was me I would have appreciate someone to hand me the passport. Okay bowing down, and piouf, hou my back.
☼Excuse me sir, (oh no a good looking guy). Hey I think you just dropped your passport.
♣Oh shit, I am all over the place. I have a job interview, I am quiet stressed since french is not my first language.
☼Haha that is an important document if you want to pass any border control or just to sign any job contract lol.
♣Sure it is haha. But for the border don't worry about that we basically arrived inside Gare du Nord station. And I am not going out of the Parisian region. So I am alright.
☼Haha well good luck for your job interview.
When a cute guy speak to you for more than a minute and you don't look cute. Who is this designer, or model who said that you always need to look at your best in any situation ? Well I hate that person because, the person is so riight. Aarf I don't feel like being involved with this new part of my life.
