I think the thing that is killing is the lack of family moment that I am witnessing.
This person that is gathering everyone, is lacking in the house.
I had energy when I was 7years old, 12years old, 14years old. I was a super hyped baby girl, convincing myself relationship wise, only a seed need to be plant, and that as long as everyone is pouring water into it everything shall be nice and sweet, with the normal up downs inside a family. It seems like I was fooling myself, who was pouring water. I feel like I've done my part until I realise that as a bird in a cage, my dreams was all trapped. This is where I began to become a family ghost, still kind-hearded expecting the greatest thing to happen to each of my family members.
Okay so since my water stoped pouring, does anyone else's water stoped pouring as well ? Please be able to share family gathering moments excluding tv and church service. Because I don't count sitting in front of news JT and sitting in the same car as part of cohesive gathering moment. It still nice this idea of roughly spending an exclusive gathering extra short moment, with this tv and with the car.
Okay I am officially falling asleep.
I want this diary to be full by the 1st of October or 1st November, I want this to be a document used as a gift for my 25years old.
Something else. With time I understood that not everyone hold the dreams that I am caring, and either I need to accept that, or I need to move on.
Also if the pouring water stop walking, the other thing that can be done is creating exclusive moment with dad. I want to die creating, having exclusive daughter and dad moment that I want to remember. In a way I am not giving up on family moments.
There is no way I am bringing any men home, if I am not even close to the first men of my life.
I can't remember what is the last fusional thing I did with my dad. I understood that cars was his thing. Well I don't own a car, but I can pretend to be interested with cars. A puzzle about cars. what else . I could choose one Saturday as a day to see a movie with him. Whatelse what an old man that should go to retreat. Du golf ? Du bowling ? Manger son meilleure plat à l'exterieur.
Marcher le long d'une plage
