Thoughts

Lately

There's been so much stuff that's been going on lately guys.... some of it is funny. some of it is not even close to funny. A lot of it is painful.... There's been so much drama.

First of all, my boyfriend and I broke up about a month ago. For the first few weeks it hurt but it wasn't that either of us didn't love the other it was that we were both extremely busy and he had gotten into stuff that he didn't want me to have to deal with. So I understood. But then... I started getting a really bad feeling. Something was going to happen... And a week ago it did. I found out that all this time while we were still messaging each other and making sure the other was okay and talking as though we were a couple even though we weren't, he has a new girlfriend. The little shit pretty much broke my heart because he straight up lied to me when I asked him. If he had told the truth, it would've been a different story but he didn't. So when I swore at him he blocked me.... His new girlfriend's a really sweet girl though. I talked to her a little bit and we both know where the other is standing so we're all good.

Second of all, I tend to be the one several of my friends go to when they need help or advice or something. And while I love being able to be there for them sometimes it gets a little exhausting. I love them to death. And that will never change. But sometimes i just want to slap them and tell them to get a hold of themselves....

Third of all, there's been a lot of tension in my family. Before Preston and I broke up, there was more but it was a different tension. My parents didn't approve of him. Now it's pretty much just my parents thinking they completely control my life and it's pissing me off. It's like ever since Preston and I broke it off, they think they've won the damn argument that they control my life and relationships and decisions. Honestly at this point in time I really just can't wait until November when I turn 18 and can move into my cousin's house. Because I love my parents to death but I'm getting to that point where I'm sick of them deciding what I can and can't do in my life.

The fourth thing is a happy thing. :) :) I've been talking to a friend (ex boyfriend, technically) and he's pretty fucking amazing. We aren't officially together yet because there's still some stuff that I have to work out with Preston. But... :) :) :) :) :) He makes me happy....

That's another thing though... It kind of makes me feel like a bit of a slut because I'm moving on from Preston so quickly... like... I went from crying myself to sleep one night to feeling like I'm strong enough because of another guy the next....

Dude, I don't even know anymore. My brain's been messed up. But I do know that I do love Paulie... He's a really amazing guy. He's sweet and understanding and silly and he brings out the best in me. All that innocent cute and cuddly shit that most people don't really see.... Now if only he didn't live so far away....