Unravelling

Chapter 50 - Memories

I should probably regret asking Sean about Sienna.

He is just as exhausted as I am, but I can't find it in me to be considerate about that right now. It feels like one of these now or never situations. If you don't do it, you might never find the courage again and it will slowly eat you up from the inside.

So I don't regret asking him. Not even as the silence that follows my question turns deafening.

Suddenly, the light goes on and I squeeze my eyes shut because it is quite painful.

"Come on. I want to show you something," Sean announces.

I look over at him and see that he is already sitting on the edge of the bed, looking back at me over his shoulder. I notice with relief that he appears to be relaxed. Not annoyed or angry. Maybe there is a slightly pained look in his eyes, but I could be imagining it.

I quickly shove the blanket off my body and scramble to my feet. Sean waits for me by the door and when I walk up to him, he puts a hand on my shoulder. He gently pushes me towards the living room and guides me over to the sofa that I vacated only about an hour ago.

"Sit down," he orders and adds: "I'll be right back."

I do as I am told and shuffle backwards. Then I pull my legs up and hug my knees close to my body. It is partially because I am cold after leaving the cozily warm bed and partially because it helps calm my nerves.

I have no idea where Sean went, but he returns a few minutes later, carrying a sizable box under his arm. He puts the box down next to me and takes a seat on the other side of it.

"What's this?" I whisper.

"This is my Sienna box. It contains everything I have that reminds me of her. And I want to share it with you. This is the best way for you to understand who she was – and what she meant to me. What she meant to all of us," he explains in a soft, low voice.

Immediately, my heart rate picks up. I am nervous about what he is going to show me. And also incredibly happy that Sean isn't stonewalling me but is actually willing to let me in and be part of something pertaining to our family's past. That makes for a nice change and I smile gratefully at him.

"Thank you. For trusting me with this," I say.

"No worries. It is about time that you learn what an incredibly wonderful person your sister was. I meant to share this with you a few weeks back, after you found out about her. But we never had a chance."

Immediately, the meanwhile familiar feeling of guilt creeps up inside me. Sean's words contain a clear message. He would have been willing to talk to me about his twin sister any time after our family meeting. Inwardly, I always knew that, but I chose to ignore it. The only one to blame for putting this off is me.

"Why did you guys never tell us about her before?" I ask instead of giving him a long overdue apology and I immediately want to take these words back.

The last thing on my mind is to sound accusatory. I hope this won't negatively impact his willingness to talk about Sienna.

Sometimes, words just tumble out before I can stop them. Sure, I was upset to find out that such a big part of our family history had been deliberately kept from us. But I believe that all the other secrets they are still guarding weigh a lot heavier than this one. I have already forgiven them for never mentioning that we used to have a sister. There is no need to dig that up again.

"That must seem pretty weird for you guys, and difficult to understand," Sean concedes.

As always, he is incredibly sympathetic. I wonder if anything ever really rattles this guy. I am aware that I have been quite demanding and tiresome since we arrived here and still he is as patient with me as ever. Sean deserves a medal, he really does.