Unravelling

Chapter 59 - Unravelling

It looks like this might take a while.

Josh wants to speak to me on the front porch and has insisted that I bring a jacket. Not the worst idea, considering that it is only about 20 degrees outside. By the time I have gathered my things and laced up my shoes, he has already disappeared outside.

I wrinkle my nose when I realize what made him want to go outside. He is almost greedily sucking on the cigarette that he has clenched between his lips. It is a weird, unfamiliar sight. I know that he used to smoke when he was younger, but I didn't think he had picked the habit back up. I hope that this is not my doing.

Standing in the doorway, I watch silently as my brother stares at the picture frame that he is still holding in his hand. I can only see his profile, but even from this perspective I can tell that the look of pain is still prominently featuring on his face.

I am uncertain whether I should go back inside and let Josh have a moment to himself. He has asked to speak to me but it feels like he isn't even aware of my presence. The photo of Sienna has captured his full attention. I don't want to interrupt his train of thoughts. And, to be honest, I am also a bit scared that he will be angry with me, whether it is because of what I did to him or because of my dredging up potentially unwanted memories with this gift.

He didn't sound angry though when he asked to speak to me, I remind myself.

"She was one of my best friends," Josh suddenly says, breaking the awkward silence.

I guess I am staying now, seeing as he has decided to speak to me, so I tentatively take a step towards him. I stop a couple of feet away from him, not sure if he would want me to stand too close.

"She insisted that I take her to the fun fair that day," he continues, nodding towards the picture. "I had lost a bet to her and we had agreed that the winner can chose any activity and the loser has to go along with it and pay for it, no complaints."

He stops to take another drag from his cigarette and it looks like he is lost in his thoughts again. The one important part I take from the piece of information he has just revealed is that Sienna won a bet against him. I don't know why, but to know that there has at one point been a girl in our family who actually managed to beat the guys in their stupid betting activities gives me incredible satisfaction.

Now I wish even more that I'd had a chance to meet her. I am sure that Sienna could have given me a ton of tips on how to deal with our brothers. Again, I cannot shake the feeling that the two of us would have made a great team.

"What kind of bet was it?" I ask curiously.

I hope that this won't shut him down immediately.

"Honestly, I don't even know anymore," Josh replies absent-mindedly. "We always had some stupid bet going. Not much has changed there, as you know. And if it wasn't a bet, it was a competition of some sort. Often unnecessary stuff, too. I guess it is part of us guys' natures to be competitive. And Sienna was always right in the middle of it all. Actually, she probably was one of the most competitive people in our family. Right behind Jordan, who has always been the worst."

This is news to me. As Josh pointed out, most of our siblings are rather competitive, a family trait that I only marginally inherited. If someone were to ask me who the most competitive sibling is, I would have said that it is Sam, closely followed by Alex. Then the older twins. Because, even if he doesn't want to admit it, Josh himself is an incredibly competitive person, too.

I wonder if he is even aware of how hypocritical he just sounded, but I refrain from pointing it out to him. The last thing I want right now is to upset him. I will treat him with kids' gloves just to be safe. The main goal of this conversation is to make peace with him, after all.