Unravelling

Chapter 53 - Home

My superpower of choice would be the ability to fly.

We have been on the plane for almost four hours now and I still cannot get enough of looking out the window.

This is amazing!

I had to be a bit patient until I could finally see anything, because it was still dark when the plane took off. But seeing the city lights from above right after take-off was also very exciting. It made me forget that we had to get up at 4:30am to catch the first flight out of Chicago, which was around 7am.

And now that it is finally daylight, the view is simply spectacular. The world looks so peaceful from up above, and everything is incredibly tiny. You can barely recognize any buildings from so high up, but the wide plains, the rivers and the mountains more than make up for it.

I am mesmerized, and pretty much speechless.

Maybe the latter is not only because of the breath-taking views but also due to my impending reunion with the rest of my family. I am not sure if I am ready for that. Of course, I have missed most of them and part of me cannot wait to see them again, mainly Alex. But the other part of me is scared to bits of how it will go and what they will say. I wish I could put this meeting off for a bit longer.

It sure doesn't help that Will cornered me shortly before he left for his own trip home and forced me to look at our family chat, as he had intended to do all along. If I had been feeling guilty before, seeing how truly worried and panicky my family reacted when they couldn't find me anywhere, when they couldn't even get hold of me, made me feel a million times worse.

But the worst thing weren't the numerous messages on the family chat. Although it appeared as if they were getting more anxious with every additional text, it was nothing compared to the frantic messages that I received from them individually.

It ranged from shouting at me via WhatsApp (Aidan, Josh, Will) and cautious questions asking about my well-being (Ben, Jack, Sam) to pleading texts (Noah) and eventually climaxed in guilt-ridden, self-incriminating voicemails bordering on desperation (Jordan, Alex, Sean). The last ones were the hardest to listen to and parts of them are still playing on repeat in my head, even a week later.

I have apparently left quite an impression with my eldest brothers when I confronted them with my discoveries that resulted in our family meeting, because they were literally beating themselves up over whether how they reacted then had been wrong and what they could have done differently. And there I had been thinking that I was the only one who was constantly musing over everything that was said during and after that meanwhile infamous meeting. It looks like it has had just as big an impact on my brothers. Hearing them say so in their messages to me, asking for forgiveness for what they said and maybe didn't say, for possibly hurting me with their reactions or lack thereof, was almost unbearable. I think the guys have never shown their emotions so openly towards me before.

However, that fact does not make me happy at all. Instead, it makes me question every single decision I have made since I started this "investigation" into my family's past. I still believe that I have a right to know about our family history, just as much as Noah and Aidan do, but I am starting to wonder at what price it will come if I keep digging deeper and continue pushing on.

"You gotta blink every now and then, ya know?" Sean remarks, nudging my shoulder.

"But it's so beautiful!" I gush as I continue to stare outside, my nose almost pressed against the tiny, oval window.

Sean has been forced into the middle seat. After complaining about it initially – I think he only did it because that is what is probably expected of someone who is giving up their clearly superior seat – he admittedly has been a very decent seat neighbour. I can definitely think of worse brothers to sit next to for an extended period of time in such a tight space.