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7: history repeats
COOLER
Nilaro-laro ko sa kamay ang baso na naglalaman ng alak. It's almost one in the morning pero kadarating ko lang. Just this morning, I closed a big deal at halos buong maghapon ay naging abala ako sa trabaho. I am tired and exhausted but I cannot sleep so I figured out a glass or two of whiskey can help.
Madilim ang buong kabahayan. Other than the fact that this house is almost empty, I'm pretty sure that none of my family is here.
Of course, even if this is the Vander's common house, this is as good as an abandoned palace. Napakalaki ng bahay but daily, it's like a huge house in the middle of the forest. Except that we're not in the forest but across the acres of land owned by the Vanders. Honestly I can launch a race inside these walls, sa lawak ba ba naman nito?
I am exhausted and if I felt that way, I always think about where I stand. Malaki ang pasasalamat ko sa pangalan ko. The name always help me, and since the first breath I took, hindi ako nakaranas ng kahirapan— financially.
But having a golden spoon up your mouth isn't really a privilege, at least for me. It was more of a burden.
You're expected of everything. Ikukumpara ka, they expected you to be great at kung hindi mo maabot ang expectations nila, there will be disappointments. And I am so tired of dealing with those.
My life is like a magic trick. Masayang tingnan but it's a trick. To some, there was deception. At moments like this, napapaisip ako sa buhay ko. What would my life be if I wasn't a Vander? What would my life be if I wasn't expected of so many things?
Sometimes, I envy my brother who gets to choose the life he wanted. Malayo iyon sa buhay namin but my brother has that genuine happiness in life. He's got that super happy and proud look whenever he closes a case. He may not have all access to everything pero masaya siya.
But what can I do? This is the life I woke up to; this is the life I was destined to live. It's not like I want to be a symbol of justice like my brother, I am contented with my life. May mga pagkakataon lang talaga na napapaisip ako, what if this is not the life that I wanted?
Wala akong makapa na sagot. I am a Vander and continuing the legacy of the name is what I wanted to do. Alam ko sa sarili ko 'yon. Was I happy about this life? Of course, I certainly am. Who wouldn't be when I can have almost everything that I wanted.
Almost.
Napatigil ako sa pagsalin ng alak nang may narinig akong kasa ng baril. I put down the glass and slowly turned my head ngunit nagsalita ang sinumang nakapasok sa pamamahay namin.
"Don't turn your head this way or else, sasabog ang bungo mo."
The voice was raspy and if I am not tired, I would have panicked right now. Hindi ko kilala ang boses na 'yon, and this situation isn't new because I always had my life in danger daily.
