There is a right way & a wrong way to criticize a guy. One way will make him defensive and shut down, and the other will get you what you want.
The 'Shields Down' method will get your guy to change his annoying behavior - & actually listen
What's the 'shields down' method? It's actually pretty simple, & you'll be able to use it in all kinds of situations when you want your man to change his bad habits or frustrating behavior.
You see if you jump straight into criticizing; you're flat out NOT going to get the result you want.
Criticizing or nagging only results in extreme irritation, & more often than not ends up with a horrible argument (which is often WORSE than the original problem was).
Every couple hits that "grrr" moment where the other person is SERIOUSLY getting on our nerves.
You'll be able to use this simple method next you want him to:
Help out more around the house
Respond faster to your messages
Stop being late all the time
Quit wearing that hideous tropical shirt in public!
Any other times you want to change his behavior or stop doing something annoying
The 'shields down' method works really well when you want to PERMANENTLY change someone's behavior, so you can avoid big blow-ups that can hurt your future as a couple.
Here's the ONE THING you absolutely need to know about men & getting them to change their annoying behavior...
His 'shield' is up when he feels like he's in a FIGHT
& you can't get him to change ANYTHING, or truly LISTEN, when his shield is up.
Do you want him to AGREE with you? Of course!
Do you want him to CHANGE? Yup!
The secret is to make sure it doesn't feel like a fight.
If a man feels like a situation is turning into an argument or a fight, he immediately puts up his emotional 'shield'. He automatically goes into warrior mode, where his focus is on protecting himself & attacking right back. This is the WORST time to actually solve a problem because he's not focused on hearing what you have to say.
Next time he's done something really annoying, or you want him to change his bad habits, you have to try this...
The SHIELDS DOWN METHOD
Step 1: Press 'Pause'
So, he's done something REALLY annoying. He's tramped mud all through the freshly vacuumed house, he's gone to the bar with his friends without inviting you, or he's forgotten to call you & say he'll be really late for dinner.
Before you yell, send an upset message, or react with anger - press pause!
Take some time out for a minute. Having a quick breather is KEY to turn this situation to your advantage & make sure that you get the behavior you want IN THE FUTURE.
Just think - you can't change what's in the past. He's done it. There's already mud all over the carpet, he's already late, or he's already said something hurtful. It's DONE.
The best way forward is to know what you want to happen NOW.
You need to focus on how he needs to fix it or do properly next time, not what he's done.
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