Learning What Real Guys Are like

Lesson 11: Look After Yourself, Away from your Partner

It happens to millions of women everywhere. You skip going to the gym, you don’t speak up when you want something. You’re afraid to ask for help. Then before you know it, you’ve completely lost your identity.

Who IS this woman in the mirror?

That’s why it’s important to prioritize YOUR needs. Your physical & emotional health is just as important as anyone else’s.

It starts with Tiger Time.

What is Tiger Time? Tiger Time is time that you carve out for yourself. You ferociously protect Tiger Time as if you were a tigress protecting her cubs.

So, here’s how Tiger Time works

Once per week, spend at least 4-hours doing something for yourself. This needs to be a consistent 4-hour block. Only break this into chunks if you have to, but try to make it a good chunk of time.

During your Tiger Time, I want you to go to a movie, a museum, the zoo, go for walks, it really doesn’t matter. Just get out of your house, away from the “noise.”

“But what about the kids?”

Your significant other, a relative, or a sitter can watch the kids if you have them. You need this.

Here’s something important. Turn off your phone’s ringer & mute notifications. Why? Because you need to tune out distractions. Make it clear to people that you’re not going to answer your phone or respond to messages during Tiger Time.

Now, that’s “solo” Tiger Time. I want you to use some of your Tiger Time sessions to do things with other people who are not your significant other.

Always wanted to try stand-up comedy? Do it. Sign up for a softball team? Do it. Take a cooking class. Do it. Audition for a play? Do it.

You need to meet people & develop friendships if you want to stay connected to the world. Expose yourself to new ideas. Tiger Time will help you discover new things about yourself.

Here’s another AWESOME reason to have Tiger Time

Have you ever had long moments of silence with your significant other? Long blocks of time when neither of you has anything to say to each other. No questions to ask, & nothing to talk about. Or you’re having the same conversations over and over? Sometimes this can go on for weeks. If you’re not careful, eventually it will feel like he’s just a roommate or co-parent.

TALKING is one of the many things that will keep you connected to him.

Not only will Tiger Time help you find & rebuild your independence & identity, but it will give you & your man NEW things to talk about! “Babe, I tried that new joke tonight, & it killed!” “I made Thai food in cooking class. I’ve never even tried it before. HOT! My mouth is still burning.”

Here Are Some More Ways You Can Treat Yourself

Journaling: Block out time every morning or evening for journaling. Yes, a private journal, for your eyes only. What should you journal about? First, if you’ve been taking Tiger Time, you’ll have a helluva lot to write about.

Describe in extreme detail ONE thing that made you happy that day. Be specific. Use descriptive words. Think about WHY that thing made you happy.

Write about anything that makes you feel angry, sad, or depressed. At least once per week, go back & review previous entries. Try to identify patterns.

“Gee, seems like every time I talk to Joana, she pisses me off.” Hmmm. “I get so down & out sometimes; I don’t know why.”

Now, think about some things that you could do to CHANGE what pisses you off or makes you sad. Consider creating some distance between yourself & negative people — it works wonders. Trust me!

Each day, find one thing you are grateful for. It can be a physical item, an event, or even a person saying “Thank You” — anything. Just write it down with details.

Spot any happiness patterns that jump out at you. Make an intentional decision to make more of those happy moments.

Physical Activity: The sheer nature of Tiger Time probably includes some exercise. But find 30 minutes, at least 3 times per week to fit in some yoga, a spin on the bike, or a long fast walk. Your body & brain need a regular spurt of endorphins to stay healthy.

Meditation: Frequent meditation has enormous benefits… including increased happiness, a boosted immune system, mental clarity, & more. At first, it’s hard to sit down & think about nothing, but with practice, it will get easier. You can find a lot of meditation methods online, & there are also loads of great applications for mobile phones that are focused on meditation–a quick search in your phone’s app store should turn up a bunch.

Sunlight: Expose yourself to sunlight daily. The power of sunlight can stave off depression & gives your body Vitamin D. You need it!

Positive Self Talk: It’s important to push out toxic thoughts & replace them with positive self-talk. Here’s a quick Positive Self Talk exercise I do sometimes. Take one recurring toxic thought & ask yourself, “Would I say this to “4-year-old me?”

Counseling or Therapy: Friends are great. Your significant other tries to be understanding. But if you feel like you need some extra help, don’t be afraid to reach out to a licensed counselor. There is no shame in asking for help or taking medications for anxiety or depression. (This is not medical or psychiatric advice. I’m not a doctor, I’ve never even played one on tv. It is, however, common sense.)

Think of some other ideas for ways to treat yourself. Write them down!

Now, here’s what you need to do

Open up your calendar (computer or printed) & block off your Tiger Time, your journaling time, & your exercise time. Treat this time as if you need it to stay sane & healthy… because, well, you need this time to stay sane and healthy.