Learning What Real Guys Are like

Lesson 10: Loving yourself

The I Like Myself Game is something I created several years ago when I was at a real low point. I’d just turned 30, & even though a lot of things in my life seemed pretty great, I was miserable. No matter what I accomplished or what I did with myself, my self-image was low and dirty & evil and cruel.

& it wreaked havoc with my romantic life. I hated myself so much that I just couldn’t let a woman love me without wondering what the heck was going on in her head.

It’s taken me years of work to re-jigger my self-image to something awesome, but it’s been worth it.

The first time you play the I Like Myself Game, it’s going to scare the living bejeezus out of you. In fact, a lot of people who TRY to play it the first time end up chickening out. They confuse liking themselves with being arrogant & go hide under the couch until the specter of positivity passes.

So Take a Deep Breath and Get Ready. Here’s All You Have to Do:

Take out a blank piece of paper or fire up a blank document in your word processor of choice. At the very top of the paper write “I like (YOUR NAME), I really do…” (If you feel a little shot of panic doing this, that’s OK. Take another deep breath.)

In the third person, write out what you truly LIKE about yourself. Don’t edit yourself. Don’t apologize. Don’t use wiggle words or neutralizers like “I’d like Mya's smile, but her teeth are kind of crooked” or “I like Mya's brain, but I wish she was smarter.” Focus on the positives.

Don’t qualify anything. Don’t worry about being immodest (modesty is noxious; I’m not a fan). Be honest: what do you REALLY like about yourself, & what do you think other people like about you, too?

Examples of Stuff You Might Like About Yourself Can Include:

Personality traits: “I like Melanie’s sense of humor. She can make a whole room laugh with a word.”

Physical traits: “I like Mary’s butt. It’s taken years of work, & she’s got an ass that draws stares when she walks down the street.”

Accomplishments: “I like how Jasmine kept moving even when things got tough and graduated at the top of her class.”

FILL THE WHOLE PAGE if you can & keep going no matter how hard it gets. The first time I did this exercise I had a panic attack, but now I can do it in my sleep. It’s SUPER IMPORTANT that you do it right.

The first time you play this game, you’re going to feel like an egotistical git. That’s because our culture programs us to have low self-esteem & low opinions of ourselves.

Play it anyway. Write it out longhand if you can (though typing is OK, too). You don’t have to share this with anyone, but you can if you want. It’s a great game to play with your partner, followed by a What I Like About You variation.

Simply by focusing on the POSITIVES about yourself, you’re going to REPROGRAM your mind.

There. Feel Better? Now let’s move on to taking care of that lovable self…