Discovering myself (18+)

1. In the next door

We are over.

It echoes in my head. Persistently, reminding me of the end of my four-years relationship, a steady part of my life.

Yet instead of crying as I probably should, I'm sitting on the couch, intrigued. I'm shocked and relieved. Realizing he was right, we were together only because we were used to it, it was convenient.

"Well, at least you don't have to find excuses to not have sex with him anymore." My best friend Daniela remarks.

"That's mean Dani."

"No, that's sad! My one-night stands give me more pleasure than your four years boyfriend ever did to you."

"He was a good boyfriend, he was always nice." I don't even know why I'm defending him, he just broke up with me.

"Nice? Really Kelsey? Nice is your criteria for a boyfriend? I will tell you this, nice is not enough," she pauses to take a sip of her beer before continuing. "I don't understand why you date him in the first place. He did you a favor because you would never have the guts to break up with him. It doesn't matter how miserable you were."

I glance sadly at her, she's right. I would probably never break up with him, even if I had no desire for him anymore. It was like we were simply friends and not boyfriend and girlfriend.

I took a sip of the beer Dani has opened for me, I still miss him.

Hopefully, it is only because I can't have him anymore and not because I still have feelings for him. I've always had the bad habit of wanting what I can't have.

He is the only guy I have slept with. It will be weird to date another guy, to sleep with another guy.

The sexual situation between us was far from an ideal one, but I felt so comfortable with him. From now on I will have to be naked in front of someone I don't even know.

Honestly, I don't understand how Dani does it. She makes it sound so easy, so natural. She knows what she wants, and she is confident about herself.

I'm sure as hell I'll be uneasy when I sleep with another guy. If I sleep with another guy again.

Such a thought drives me to drink half of my beer in one shot, it's enervating.

It was when I recognized Dani observing me, her eyes are focused on me. It's how she behaves when she is analyzing me.

She was always torn between being a journalist or a psychologist. And even if she is now studying journalism, I still think she wants to do psychology as well. Or at least she loves to use me as her experiment.

The thing is, she is usually right about what she asserts regarding me, it helps that she knows me pretty well.

We're best friends since high school and now we're studying at the same college. She is studying journalism and I'm studying engineering. It's hard to comprehend how we become best friends. We are completely different, our tastes, opinions, everything is usually opposites.

I love her regardless.

I was anticipating for her to express her opinion because it is always like such. She watches me, analyses me, considers the right way to say it, and declares it.

It didn't come, though. It was interrupted by the keys on my door announcing an arrival.

I turn my head through the entrance to welcome my brother, hearing him talking to someone in the hall.

"Hey, my favorite girls!" He greets us and by the use of 'favorite', I sense something will come up.

"Hi!" I observe him entering the apartment followed by another guy.