Fire and Ice

Fire and Ice VI

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She didn't know how she was holding back her tears. Sitting this close to him after so many years, breathing the same air. The air crackled with tension, like it always did when it was just them. Did he notice it too? He still smelled the same...sweet, musky, and rich. Sitting so close that she could touch him, feel his warmth...warmth she had engulfed herself in the past...feeling like she was home and she was safe.

She thought of the reason she was here, and she could no longer hold back the moisture in her eyes. Fadik Ana...she shook her head, not wanting to even consider the negative thoughts. For her own sake... and for his sake. Ana would be okay.

He had betrayed her and hurt her in the worst possible way. Killing every possibility of reconciliation. She had fallen in love with a person who never trusted her, never truly loved her. But she knew one aspect of his life that he had always been honest about.

His love and his respect for his Ana.

He would never lie about Fadik Ana, never betray his mother, never intentionally do anything that would bring her any harm. She was his God...his everything...the person he loved the most in this world. She didn't know as much about him as she had thought, but she knew this. Which is why she didn't question him about Ana and her condition.

She knew he was telling the truth.

She avoided looking at him, staring out the window as she blinked away the tears, knowing that he had this unusual power to read every emotion in her eyes. Even if he had erased her from his life and his memories. He broke the silence in the car, as they stopped at a red light.

"Teşekkür ederim" he said softly. His voice still so deep, so charming... butterflies rose in her stomach. She could feel his eyes on her, eyes that had always hypnotized her. Made her feel as if she was the center of his world. 

All lies.

She nodded, acknowledging his thank you, as she continued looking out her window. Ignoring him.

Silence remained in the car up until they reached the hospital. They silently walked through the entrance, side by side. Once the receptionist provided them with the visiting passes, they headed towards the elevator.

"She's on the 3rd floor" he informed, as they waited for the elevator to open. She nodded again, avoiding eye contact. Once it opened, they entered. She knew her silence was unnerving him. He was constantly fidgeting. She briefly glanced at him once the elevator door closed. His head was down, his eyes focused on his shoes, a somber expression on his face.

And her heart melted...for him.

He looked exhausted and dejected...so unlike the Azer she had known. Gone was the confidence, the magnetism, the unbounded energy, and the determination. All she saw was a man, hidden behind dark shadows, struggling to hold back his anxiety, unable to let go of the tension in his muscles.... unable to breathe freely. Drowning in guilt...

What had happened to him? She wondered. Had the reality of his past actions finally caught up on him? 

Regardless of her hatred, it hurt to see him so quiet, so reserved, so agonized. This was not the Azer she knew.

A sudden fear gripped her heart as she realized that he must be scared. Of possibly losing the only person he truly loved. Her heart bled for him. For the tortured man who worshiped his mother.