Fire and Ice

Fire and Ice V

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That night...

He silently opened the door of the private hospital room assigned for his Ana. She was still awake, sitting up in her bed, gazing at a photograph in her hand. She looked so tired...so weak. His heart clenched at the sight of her. If anything happened to her, it would destroy him. She looked up when he entered the room, her eyes taking him in slowly. He gave her a brief smile, knowing he wouldn't get anything but indifference in return. She didn't return his smile but the indifference that he usually saw in her eyes was not there tonight. There was sadness...and some guilt. He frowned as he gently closed the door examining her. The soft bedside lamp illuminating her gentle features. And then, for the first time since he woke up from his coma, he saw his mother smile at him. Genuinely smile at him. He blinked his eyes rapidly, blinking back the moisture at the unexpected emotion her smile evoked. She stretched out her hand and weakly patted the end of her bed, gesturing him to sit near her.

He hesitantly approached the bed, unsure of what to expect and how to react. Sitting near her feet, he folded his hands together, his head bent, avoiding eye contact. He hesitantly glanced at the photograph in her lap. A family picture of him and his eight siblings. He suddenly felt the urge to cry as he stared at the picture.

She raised her hand and gently caressed his cheek. Her gentle touch. He squeezed his eyes shut, a tear escaping and merging on her hand.

"Azer.... Oğul" she said, softly brushing back his hair. "Bana bak"

He glanced up, his eyes tortured to see his mother in such obvious pain. He felt so ashamed of hurting her so much. She shook her head as she wiped away his tears. He gripped her hand and kissed it softly before holding onto it.

"Ana..." he addressed; his voice hoarse as tears clogged up his throat. He glanced back at the picture, still unable to believe that he had been the cause of their death.

She noticed him staring at the picture. She picked it up and placed it under her pillow before focusing her attention back on him.

"Azer..." she started. He looked at his mother. She smiled at him, gripping his hand in both of hers.

"Oğul" she said softly. "Seni seviyorum"

He released a pent-up breath and squeezed his eyes shut. He had waited so long to hear those words. Did she forgive him? His expectant eyes opened, searching his mothers'.

She wiped his tears away and gently pulled his head into her lap. Shocked by her sudden love, resting his head against her blanket clad legs and absorbed her loving hands running through his hair. He stared at the white wall on the opposite end of the room, unable to comprehend the love he was receiving. Unable to stop the flow of tears as happiness and fear gripped him at once. Happiness for getting his mother's love. Fear of losing her to this terrible disease.

"I've been harsh to you...." She started, continuously caressing his hair. "...for so many years" he heard her lament. "I didn't want to be...but I had to."

"You're all I have left" she cried softly, and he gripped her hand, bringing it to his lips.

"I blamed you for everything. But you are not to be blamed, Azer" she said before placing a soft kiss on his forehead. He shuddered, hearing her words, wanting to believe them. But he knew that he had caused their death. He hadn't protected them. And he wouldn't be able to protect his mother.

"I've been unfair to you..." she continued, weeping "but I want you to know, I never believed it"

"You loved them the most in the world. Everything you did in the past was for their happiness. You worked to get them food, a house to live in, an education...Onların babasıydın" she said softly.