The Variable Life of Sam

Author's Note

Sam: We are at the altitude of 100 feets above mean sea level. Prepare for touch down. All seat belts should be tightened.

Osmosis: (looks up from the novel, "The Variable Life of Sam" that he's reading and stares blankly at Sam, clears throat, says nothing as he goes back to the book)

Sam: Flight 201. Requesting permission for landing. Over.

Osmosis: (glares at him, switches on the transistor radio) All alighting at Daviferous Humour Station. We have reached our destination. Remember to take along, your bags and luggage. Thank you for journeying with us.

Sam: (alights and stretches himself) Finally, a touch of the open sky. Lemme go have meself, a well deserved meal.

Osmosis: (raises an eyebrow) Where do you think you are going to?

Sam: (bends his neck to both sides) To go and eat of course. Do you wish to tag along?

Osmosis: (heaves) Ain't you forgetting something?

Sam: (confused) What? Oh..(clears throat, faces the camera and smiles) Thank ya'll, sweet readers for everything(blows a kiss to the camera and attempts walking away)

Osmosis: Hey!, not like that. Company's policy, remember?(holds a long sheet before him)

Sam: (grunts) Why don't you read the "acknowledgements"? I don't remember where it was specifically stated that it's my duty.

Osmosis: Hey!, you are the main driver and I'm just an assistant.

Sam: (huffs and takes the sheet from him)I wish our shoulders-rubbing salary could hear that.

Osmosis: (picks up a toothpick from the dashboard and starts picking his teeth just to dramatise his lackadaisical attitude) Until that happens, you are the main and I'm just an assistant.

Sam: Alright, alright. Let's quit squabbling and get this done with.

(Sam and Osmosis are found facing the camera, smiling. Sam is seen with a sheet in his hands while Osmosis has a toothpick in his mouth. "Camera", "Light" and "Action" is heard from the set's background and Sam starts reading)

               ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
Firstly, I would like to thank the Almighty God for everything; for inspiration, for strength, for endurance e.t.c. Even if I had ten thousand tongues, it won't be enough to thank Him for all that He has done. I return all glory to His holy name.

I would also like to appreciate in a very special way, my brother, Vincent. He was the one that saw the "writer" in me and encouraged me to reach for it. He was the one that created the former book covers. Even when I wanted to change the title (which implied change of cover too), he readily created a new cover for me and even edited it on request. You are loved, bro ♥️♥️.

P.S: Did I tell you guys that he's an amazing poet? Check out his mind thrilling works from his profile, Walking-Universe

I would also like to thank specially, people like ethade, peacejuliet, Ruthieslaid, atopamopatop1, OffurumDeborah, jennzie003, korisa_hex, J3ssie0, CynthiaUbboh, phsycho25, SoniaOkafor3 e.t.c for their support, encouragement and inspiration. May God richly reward you all♥️♥️.

P.S: Looking for thrilling and funny fables, stories that will leave you hungry for more, beautifully written poems e.t.c?. Check out his works at ethade. I've personally read his works and I can proudly tell you that you won't regret checking it out.

And to you all, lovely readers. I'm grateful. Thanks for reading this book. I love you all❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️. Remain blessed.

My unwavering appreciation goes to the "Readers and Writers Haven" book club for their constructive criticisms that helped in shaping this book. Special thanks to nita4rever, the head admin.

I won't forget my able aides like Google, the English Dictionary app e.t.c. Thanks a lot for the help, guys (notices the weird stares on him)

Also, I would like to thank Wattpad star, SarahPerlmutter who reviewed my work during the "Black Lives Matter" Wattpad Outreach.

To Wattpad star, Sam_le_fou whose humourous work(s) were a huge source of influence/inspiration.

And to all those I forgot to mention or did not mention, your contribution(s) are highly appreciated.

I LOVE YOU ALL❤️. GOD LOVES YOU MORE❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ ;)

("Cut" is heard from the background as the director is seen giving Sam, a thumbs up)

Sam: And we are done. Chicken nuggets!, here I come.

Osmosis: (brushing his hair before the mirror on set, he puts up a fake British accent) I reckon that the invitation to tag along is still open, eh?

(Osmosis looks back as noone replies him only to discover that Sam was already out of earshot. He drops the comb and runs after him with the shouts of "Sam")