The Nanny- Bangchan

CHAPTER 5

The guilt of what Chan did sunk in as they were sitting around the dinner table that night. It was the first time he'd seen Jihye since he kissed Aera and he felt like an asshole for doing it. He was married for Christ's sake. He was sitting around a table with not only his wife and his two kids, but also the girl he just made out with on the Bondi Beach pier . And god—she really was just a girl. She was ten years younger than him. What was he even thinking? Apparently, he was only thinking with his penis. His deprivation was really starting to get to him.

Chan looked up at his wife, who was rambling on about god knows what for the last ten minutes. She really, truly was a beautiful woman. He missed all the things they used to have with one another – including sex. When they first started out, their sex life was absolutely amazing. Her sexual appetite was insatiable and he lived for it. Now, it was like the thought of him made her physically ill or something.

He bit at the inside of his lip, staring his wife down.

Was that it? Was she completely repelled by him now? Somewhere down the line their marriage deteriorated into shambles and something had to be the cause of it. Was it because she was no longer attracted to him? His heart sank with the realization that his wife could have possibly lost all interest in him altogether. He started to think back on every memory of every interaction they had lately and it only made his heart spiral further.

What broke Chan out of his devastation was Aera snickering to herself as she pushed her food around on her plate with her fork. He had no idea what she found so hilarious, but the fact that she could find amusement in their blasé family dinner made him smile. He watched the smirk linger on her lips. The lips he just recently kissed. And she kissed him back with just as much passion. God, she wanted him. She really, truly did.

Aera looked up, locking eyes with Chan – as if she felt his gaze burning holes into her flesh. He didn't look away. He needed to see the way her eyes focused solely on his, how her face softened at just the sight of him. She said so much with just her eyes. It made his entire body tingle. The feelings she made him feel were like an addiction. The need to be wanted and adored hit him with a vengeance. And the fact that she was doing both of those things sent waves of desire through his entire body. Oh, he desired her alright. He just didn't know if he had the balls to truly act on those desires. Kissing was one thing, but sex was on a whole other level.

...

As Chan lay in bed next to Jihye that night, he could almost feel the weight of the distance between them in their king-sized bed. He could have reached out his hand and still not have touched her body – that's how far apart they were. It was rather symbolic since it pretty much defined their relationship for months and months.

"Jihye," Chan sighed.

"Hmm," she hummed out in the dark, her back to him.

"What happened to us?" He asked quietly. She was silent and it tore at Chan's heart.

"How did we turn into... this?" He asked sadly.

"Turn into what?" She asked, turning over to look at him through what little moonlight that shone through the bedroom window.

"We barely speak or touch or kiss or love each other anymore," he said, coming straight out with it.

"I love you, Chan," she told him. Her words made his heart beat a little faster, even though he wasn't entirely sure if they were genuine or if they were just spoken out of habit.

"I love you, too. I just... I just feel like we've grown so far apart from what we used to be," he said, looking over at her. Jihye sighed heavily.

"Baby..." She breathed out. Chan bit at his lip as he felt the sting of tears in his eyes.