The Nanny- Bangchan

CHAPTER 19*

Chan didn't even bother knocking when he reached Aera's bedroom door. They were way past pleasantries. He needed to talk to her. He needed to make her stay. He needed her. He froze in place in the doorway when he saw her. He watched as she furiously pulled out clothing from her closet and threw it into the open suitcase at her feet. It tore at him, seeing just how serious she was about leaving. He couldn't let her.

"Aera..."

She quickly turned toward him, looking startled that he was standing there.

"Chan ..."

He could see all the emotion on her face. The anger, the sadness, the longing. Everything she felt deep down.

"Can we... Can we talk?" He asked her, letting his vision drop away from her as his heart squeezed painfully in his chest. How was he going to convince her to stay? What could he say to make the situation better?

"Okay," she whispered and he looked back up into her eyes.

The distance between them could be felt both physically and emotionally. Chan wanted nothing more than to just run to her, to kiss her and love her. And to just have her for once – to just keep her. He wanted Aera more than anything, but he knew now more than ever it was next to impossible. With everything that was about to happen with Jihye, he knew it wasn't the right time.

Chan watched Aera for a moment. She stood in front of the closet with handfuls of clothes, staring right back at him, just as fearful as he was to make a move, to be the first to speak.

"Chan ..." She whimpered and he knew he needed to say something.

"I don't want you to leave," he said finally, shaking his head lightly, trying to swallow back the lump in his throat.

The thought of her not being there, of her not being in his life was paralyzing. And he knew it made him selfish, but couldn't he be selfish for once in his life? Couldn't he just hold on to her?

"We both know I can't stay," she said, looking as if tears were about to burst from her eyes at any moment.

"You can, Aera. You can," he pleaded desperately. She needed to stay.

He watched as her face scrunched up with emotion as she bowed her head, shaking it lightly.

"Why are you doing this?" He breathed sadly, feeling as if he might cry as well.

"Chan , you need to focus on those kids right now. They need you more than anything. You're all they have," she told him.

Chan ground his teeth together, trying to stifle a bitter scoff. If that was her bullshit excuse, then she could just forget about it altogether, because her leaving now would only break those kids further.

"Which is a perfect reason why you have to stay! The kids need you. You can't leave them... not after their mother..." Chan argued, immediately getting choked up.

"Chan , that's not fair. You can't just... you can't use them against me," she sighed, shaking her head as the emotion wavered in her voice. He knew it wasn't fair, but he was desperate for her.

"They love you, Aera. They need you. I need you," he told her.

"Fuck, fuck, fuck. Fuck!" She growled, stomping her foot against the floor.

"Aera..." Chan breathed quietly.

"You can't do this to me, Chan ! You can't..." She wailed as her tears finally began to fall.

"What am I doing to you?" He asked impatiently, raising his voice at her out of frustration.

"You can't... you can't pull me back in by using your kids as bait," she snapped.