Dear Chan –
I want to start writing down my feelings. I've heard it helps to get over something – or at least move past it. Because I don't think I want to get over you. But something definitely needs to change, because I can't keep living the way I am – missing you so badly that it swallows me whole. I keep thinking about our last night together. I wish I could go back and just live in that moment with you forever. You made me feel invincible. You made me feel infinite. And I could never replace that – not even if I tried. You don't have any idea how you have affected my life – in good ways and bad. I miss you and your quirky sense of humor. I miss Jaehyun and Areum – my perfect little angels. I am so thankful you and your children came into my life.
I try to imagine how life is going to be without you. The future looks dim – meaningless. You made me who I am. You're all I want. I admire you and everything you do, Chan . How you give everything you have for your children. How they are the only thing in this world that truly matters to you. And that's the way it should be. That's the way a father should stand up for his children. You are admirable and strong and worthy of so much love. I think of your smile and how it owns my heart and soul. And I think I know what it's like to be loved. But I can't help but be left with this feeling of gravity pulling me down, when you used to make me feel weightless and airy like the clouds.
I will always have a spot for you in my heart.
I love you,
Aera
It was a letter left unsent to a man who was never hers.
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