I Will Protect You - BxB (BBC Merlin)

Chapter Three

Leo's P.O.V

Why did I start crying? Why now? I never should've hugged him in the first place. I've managed to keep my walls up around everyone for years but around him I feel like I can let them down. No. He can't know, no one can. It's my memories... Every time I'm alone with that monster they come back. 

He stopped coming into my room at night when I started getting older. Still, anytime that I hear my door open at night, just for a moment, I fear it's him. When we're alone together the memories come flooding back as well as nightmares. I likely won't get much sleep the next few days. 

"Leo... I know I'm just a servant but you know that you can talk to me about anything right?" Tristan says from behind me. I turn to look at him and notice how nervous he seems. 

"You're not just my servant, you are so much more than that to me. You mean more to me than you know. This... This is just something that I'd prefer to keep to myself. At least for now," I tell him. He asks if there's anything he can do to help so I walk over to him. 

"I love your smile..." I say softly. I love everything about him. 

I want to forget about my troubles... After a quick glance at the door to make sure it's closed I put both of my hands on his waist and pull him closer to me. Then I move both hands up to cup his face and lean in but I stop right before our lips touch. This is wrong. If I kiss him it should only be out of love not desperation to forget my pain. 

"That alone helps..." I say while stepping back.

"I'll bring your dinner to you," he says and quickly leaves. 

I can't believe I just did that! He probably doesn't even like me in that way and I almost kissed him?! I'm such an idiot! He didn't pull away though. 

"That doesn't mean anything," I say out loud to myself. Alex calls my name from the doorway and asks why I'm not going to dinner. 

"Not feeling up to it. That's all," I tell him. He asks if anything is wrong but I tell him I'm just feeling really tired. 

"Of everyone I didn't think you'd lie to me," he says while sitting at my table. "You've always told me that we could talk about anything with each other. Seems that only goes one way," he adds not looking at me. 

"We can talk to each other about anything but this... This is different. You know I wouldn't keep something from you if I didn't have a good reason to," I explain walking over to him and ruffling his hair. 

"Stop that. I'm not a kid anymore Leo," Alex says fixing his hair. "No matter how old you get Alex you're still my baby brother," I respond. 

"You do realize I'm turning 17 in a few months? Therefore not a baby," Alex says matter of fact. 

"Even when we're old and gray you'll still be my baby brother. Nothing can change that Alexander," I explain while using his full name. 

"It's Alex, Leonardo," he says back. We both laugh which lightens the mood between us.

"Sorry to interrupt but I brought your food," Tristan says. 

I look up to see him holding two plates of food. He sets both plates down and turns to leave but I call his name. He turns around but doesn't really look at me. 

"You can head home for the night," I tell him and sit at my table facing away from him. When I hear my door close I pull my plate closer and start eating. 

"Did something happen between you two?" Alex asks me. 

"I'm an idiot..." I say pushing away my plate.