Shattered Dreams

Chapter 5

I descend the stairs with my hands up in my hair. As I enter the dining room, I finish putting my hair into a french braid. I notice dad sitting on the dining table with his laptop open in front of him, standing around him are mom and Owen but as soon as I enter, they straighten themselves and go to the kitchen. I narrow my eyes in confusion before taking a seat across dad. 

"Hey dad, what're you doing home?" I ask. Dads eyes snap up to meet mine and I notice new wrinkles appear around his eyes along with dark eye bags. He cracks a smile before replying. 

"Oh, I just thought I'd take a day off and catch up on any work I've missed." I nod my head just as mom comes from the kitchen and plops a bowl of cereal in front of me.  My hand immediately goes to my spoon as I shovel in spoonfuls of cheerios into my mouth. We all eat our breakfast in silence and I'm the first to finish so I excuse myself and take my bowl to the sink. I grab my backpack from beside the stairs and make my way back to the dining room to bid my parents goodbye. As I step into the room, I notice that all three of them have the same haggard look on their face and feel guilt crawl the back of my throat as I recall my behaviour  this past month. I plant a kiss on my parents cheeks and say, 

          "Bye, I love you!" After leaving the house, I open the door to my car and take a seat in the driver's seat. As I sit in the seat, I find it hard to insert the key into the ignition and turn it. The key falls from my fingers, I crouch down and with shaky fingers, I push it into its place. My hands fall back down onto the steering wheel as tears brim my eyes. Filled with self-loathing, I lean my head against the steering wheel, using my hand to pound on it, while wailing. 

"Why? Why am I so weak? Why can't I do this? Why am I so...scared?" My cries turn into small whimpers as I continue. "Everybody moved on, but...but I can't." A hand on my shoulder startles me, I didn't even hear the door open.  I lift my head and see my brother standing next to me. His eyes glisten too as sadness drips from them. 

 "It's okay. I'll drive." Owen says quietly. I sniff and try to hold back my tears but then continue to roll down my damp face. When I shake my head, Owen sighs and adds. "It's okay to have this small weakness. Everyone has one and you know what, you'll get over it soon. And Thea...you're the strongest person I know, never think that you're weak, okay?"I nod and walk over to the other side of the car. Once I have my seatbelt on, Owen backs out of our driveway. As he drives, I try to hide my puffy eyes using concealer. By the time Owen has pulled up in the parking lot, my swollen eyes have decreased but my eyes are still rimmed with red. Owen parks the car and turns to me. 

"Have a good day! And remember, talk to me if you need someone to talk to. I'll always be here for you." I give his hand a squeeze and smile at him before getting out of the car. When I enter the University, I see groups of friends standing and talking while waiting for their classes. I smile at their happiness and hope that one day I will be able to smile like them without feeling sad. I grab a seat in the library and open up my Macbook to try and catch up on all the work I've missed while I wait for my first class today. With my mind focused on my overdue essay and music blasting in my ear, I drown out the real world. Before I know it, its time for class. I quickly pack up my stuff, and throw my backpack over one shoulder. In a hurry, I sprint to class and enter it just as the teacher enters. My eyes scan the hall as I try to find a spot and I notice that the only seats that are open is the row in the back of the class. I climb the stairs and take the seat closest to the end of the row. The professor starts the lesson as I dig in my backpack for my notebook and pencil case. I hear the door to the classroom open and my professor scolds the student for coming in late but don't lift my head as I take advantage of the moment. I pull of the notebook and pencil case before flipping my notebook open to a blank page. When I lift my head, the teacher is already done talking to the student and as I turn my head to look for them, I hear someone thump down next to me. I turn my head and stare at the hunched shoulders of the man in front of me. Noticing my stare, he turns towards me with a scowl etched on his face, and before I can say anything, he says,