Looking down at the gun on the table, I hesitate and slowly pick it up before a loud ringing interrupts me.
Slowly rolling over, without opening my eyes, I grab for my phone under my pillow just as the ringing stops. I open my eyes and see a couple missed calls from Christen. His name fills guilt in my head causing me to look over my shoulder at the body sleeping on my bed. I can't believe I would do that to Christen. I want to believe that I would have stopped it anyways but a part of me stills doubt it and a feeling of gratefulness for my mom enters my heart. Mom knocked on the door as soon as we kissed and that stopped everything. I don't realize that I'm staring until Jaxon opens his eyes.
"Creep." He mutters in a half hearted joking manner. My thoughts still linger on last nights kiss and I blurt out,
"I'm sorry." Jaxon is in the middle of stretching his arms and yawning when he pauses and turns to face me.
"It was a joke cyn." I shake my head and start picking up my sleeping bag off the ground.
"No, I meant I'm sorry about the kiss last night. I shouldn't have done that when I knew you were in such a vulnerable state and because I'm in a relationship. I guess we both weren't thinking straight last night." Jaxon finishes making the bed before sitting on it and replying.
"I'm not sorry," I close my eyes and take a deep breath, I really hope he doesn't make this difficult.
"Jaxon-" He cuts me off by placing his finger on my lips to quiet me.
"But I know this isn't the way and that it can't happen again. I won't mention it ever if that's what you want." My phone buzzes right then and I see a text pop up from Christen.
<Babe, is everything okay? We were supposed to meet at the park an hour ago>
"Jaxon, I want to let Christen know, he deserves the truth." I don't end up getting a reply from him and just get ready before running to the park. When I reach there, Christen is still sitting on the bench with 2 cups of coffee and a bag of something.
"Chris, I'm so sorry, I woke up just half an hour ago." A tiny smile is on his face and he shakes his head.
"It's okay, breakfast is kind of cold now though." I smile gratefully at him before taking the breakfast and sitting next to him. I used to love sitting next to him in silence but now it feels awkward, the kiss between Jaxon and I suffocating me. I finish my cold coffee and egg muffin before Christen says anything. "I was worried. You didn't pick up my phone calls from yesterday either."
"I-I was busy, I-" I start to think of an excuse but then resort to the truth. "Jaxon's mother passed away, he was in such a bad place." Christen grabs my hand and his eyebrows furrow in concern.
"I'm so sorry Thea, I know you were close to her. How is he? And how are you?" Looking into his eyes, all I can think is how could I do this to him, such a pure person.
"I'm okay but Jaxon was broken, he's better now which is good." I pause, contemplating before adding, "Also, I need to tell you something." Not letting go of my hand, Christen smiles sadly and replies,
"It's okay. I'm sorry, I just couldn't let you go but I know I have to." Confusion must register on my face because he expands. "Your and Jaxon's friendship is more than that, isn't it?
"What do you mean?" My voice is breathless, its like he read my mind. His tiny sad smile is still on his face and my heart breaks when he pleads,
"Tell me I'm wrong, Thea. Tell me I'm wrong and I'll let that go." I know I can't lie to him though.
"I didn't know Christen, I really didn't...until we kissed last night and I don't eve-" I'm cut off by Christens hurt voice.
"You guys kissed?" There hurt written all over his face and he lets go of my hand but I grab it as a tear rolls down my face.
"Just last night, we weren't thinking straight, it was just once just a tiny peck before we stopped it. I'm so sorry Christen, I came here to tell you, you deserved to know." Christen quickly masks his face and shakes his head.
"It's okay thea, it's my fault, I should have let you go as soon as I saw the hints but I couldn't . When I saw you at the beach, you were so happy with him, the way you guys looked at each other when you were eating the ice cream cones...only a blind person would not be able to tell that you two were in love." I open my mouth but he stops me and continues. "You're amazing Thea, I love you but I have to let you go. You deserve the best, I hope he is the best and if not him, someone else." He stands up and I follow him, placing a hand on my cheek, he asks, "One last time?" I nod my head and a second later I feel his lips on mine but all I taste is the salt from my tears. His lips are off mine too quick and I know for sure I will miss him but that's what has held me back from letting him go. "Goodbye thea." I get my voice back when he gets into his car and drives off.
"You deserve so much more Chris."
YOU ARE READING
Shattered Dreams
Teen FictionI feel his gaze on me as I walk over to the chair where my dress is resting. As I pull his shirt over my head, his eyes travel down my naked body before I cover it by slipping on my dress. When I turn around and meet his eyes, the intensity in them...
