Shattered Dreams

Chapter 23

I hadn't realized that I had fallen asleep until I wake up an hour later in Jaxon's bed with his fluffy white comforter wrapped around me. Pulling the blanket away from me, I sit up and turn to to see where Jaxon is. When I don't find him next to me or even in the room, I slip out of the bed and make my way to his living room. After searching the entire apartment, I realize that he left. Where could he have gone though? Pulling out my phone, I quickly call Alex.
"Hey, were you able to reach him?" His words are rushed and worried.
"Yea but he left again, I don't know where he could have gone." I reply as I shut the door to his apartment behind me and race down the stairs. "Alex, his mom..." I don't know how to continue but Alex pieces it together. I hear a sob leave him but before I can let out another word he hangs up. Letting out a sigh, I continue down the street trying to think of places Jaxon could have gone. The sun's starting to set and streaks of orange and red paint the sky. As darkness slowly starts to set in, I find myself getting more worried for Jaxon. Without realizing it, my feet take me towards the bridge at the end of town. He had told me it's where his parents would take him to watch the sunrise with the waterfall every weekend. When I get close enough, I see his silhouette sitting on the ledge with a bottle in his hand. Coming up next to him, I take his hand in mine and see a huge cut across his palm. Without saying a word, I take the half empty bottle from him and grab both of his hands to get him to come down. I'm worried if I didn't come in time, his clouded mind would cause him to slip off the bridge or worse, he purposely does it. But when he turns to looks at me, you would never be Able to guess that he was drinking, his eyes are clear and sharp as always. When Jaxon sees me, he let's his mask fall and I see the pain in his eyes.
"Jaxon...come home." I whisper and he just shakes his head and turns back to the waterfall.
"I have no home." His words hit me like a brick and I feel pain in my heart, pain for him. Getting onto the tips of my feet, I let go of his hand and turn his face towards me.
"I'll be your home, I'll be your family Jaxon. Just please come with me, take my hand." Jaxon stares at the waterfall but takes my hand and comes off the ledge. The next words that come out of Jaxons mouth shock me.

"She was the closest to family to me...but she wasn't my real mother. Even without any blood relation, I loved her like she was my real mother. She took care of me when no one else would and now she's gone. She was a better Mom than my real one." My brain seemed to have stopped processing everything after the fact that Alyssa was not Jaxons real mother. Never once did they make it seem like they weren't related but I guess its because they both loved each other like actual blood family. Pushing the thoughts aside, I continue listening to Jaxon as he opens up to me. "My dad was a gang leader and he was really abusive to my real mom and I, always wanting to be in control. My mom was so weak." I feel a slight drizzle but don't interrupt him. His voice is filled with venom as he talks about his biological parents. "When my dad would hit her, she would cower and say take the hits until I defended her but that would be a mistake because the wrath of my father would be directed at me and she would do nothing. Absolutely nothing. Who fucking does that when their 6 year old son is being beaten? And on top of that, to get on good side with her abusive husband, she would side with him, yelling at me and shit."

The drizzle has turned into full showers of rain but I feel compelled to stay where we are to finish listening to what Jaxon has to say. The rain has masked his tears but I hear the pain in his voice. Tears brim my eyes too but I hold them back and just squeeze Jaxons hand and pull him into a hug. A sob racks through his body and his voice cracks as he says,

"This is where we threw her ashes, I should hate her but I don't, I loved her, it's why I keep coming here or maybe it's the guilt. She died in front of me and I couldn't do anything, and now Alyssa died in front of me and I felt so helpless." My heart breaks and now I can't help but think that I feel so helpless right now. All I can do is hug him tighter and be the shoulder he can cry on for now. I know there's more to the story but Jaxon falls silent meaning I won't be hearing more of it until he decides to let me know. We stand holding onto each other in the pouring rain for what feels like hours before we walk back to my house since its closer. Quietly taking him past my mom, I lead Jaxon to the washroom where he can take a shower. While he's in the shower, I pray that Owen isn't home and sneak into his room to find spare clothes. When I slowly open his door, I notice that for once his room isn't dirty, his bed is made and his clothes are put away, almost like he hasn't been home for a couple days. Fishing out a white t-shirt with some sweats, I try not to be nosy and quickly run back out. When I get back to the washroom, I notice that Jaxons already out of it. My room door is open slightly and his bare back faces me, his legs are covered by my white towel which is dangerously low. Lightly knocking on my door to announce my presence, I walk in and place the clothes on the bed before digging through my clothes for my pajamas and an extra towel. Turning around to make my way to the washroom, the first the I see is Jaxon watching me. I can't help but let my eyes trail down to his chest, my face flushes red, and I quickly mutter something about showering before running into the shower.

My thoughts go back to Jaxon as the water trickles down my back. I went through hell after Jenn died, I can't imagine what Jaxon is going through. I wish I could do more to help him, maybe just being there for him is good but it seems so useless. Letting out a sigh, I get out of the shower and change into a blank tank and my white fluffy pajama pants. When I enter my room, Jaxon is just sitting on the bed cradling his hand and I internally face palm myself, I totally forgot about his wound. Grabbing our first aid kit from the kitchen, I stand in front of Jaxon and take his hand in mine. Using disinfectant swabs, I clean the wound and use gauze to wrap it up. The entire time, I can feel his gaze on my face, and it doesn't help that I'm standing between his legs while he's seated on the bed. My eyes slip to his and my hand falters as his gaze entraps mine. I don't know why I do it but when I see the raw desire in his eyes, my hands automatically let go of his hand and wrap around his neck. He continues to look up at me from under his lashes as his hands grab my waist and our lips meet.