Can you fix me? (One Direction Self Harm Story)

Chapter 9

Samantha's POV:

"Sam? Hey, wake up." I slowly open my eyes to see Jasmine towering over me. "What?" I groan. "I'm going out. I'll probably be out all day and night. Don't wait up for me for dinner. Okay?" she said. "Okay, be safe." I said and then she left. I decided to get up and get dressed. I put on leggings and a big red sweater on. I put my hair into a messy bun and walked downstairs. After what happened yesterday I decided to really restrict my calories. I'm only eating 300 calories a day, and I have to burn those calories off by exercising. I grabbed a medium apple which was 95 calories and a bottle of water which was 0 calories. I went into the living room and sat down and flipped on the TV. I turned on my favorite TV show which was American Horror Story. It was some reruns of Freak Show but I didn't care. My favorite season was Murder House. I felt like I relate to it because Violet is sucidal and she self harms, and when Tate makes her promise to not cut herself again, it's just perfect. Tate and Violet are so cute together and it's my legit relationship goal. Too bad Zayn doesn't I know self harm. My least favorite season was Asylum, and I really liked Coven. Murder House will always be my favorite though. I finished my breakfast, and went to go throw the core of the apple and the empty bottle away. My stomach really hurt. After not eating, you're stomach shrinks and I feel like I could throw up. I need relief. I run to the bathroom, and lift the toilet seat up. I grab the toothbrush, I call it my "purging toothbrush", and I shove it down my throat. Chunks of apple came up, and I flushed the toilet. I wiped my mouth, and walked out of the bathroom avoiding the mirror at all costs. I grab my lap top of my desk, and sit on my bed. Nobody knows this but I run a youtube channel. I like to sing. I don't get a lot of views but it's something I like to do. I decided to a cover of my favorite song which was Drown by BMTH. I went to my webcam and pressed the record button.

"Hey, guys! I know I haven't done a video in a while and I'm really sorry....but today I'm going to sing Drown by Bring Me The Horizon. I hope you like it!" I said to the camera.

What doesn't kill you,
Makes you wish you were dead.
Got a hole in my soul growing deeper and deeper.
And I can't take,
One more moment of this silence,
The loneliness is taunting me.
And the weight of the worlds getting harder to hold up
(Hold up, hold up, hold up)

It comes in waves, I close my eyes,
Hold my breath and let it bury me.
I'm not okay and it's not all right,
Won't you drag the lake and bring me home again?

Who will fix me now?
Dive in when I'm down?
Save me from myself,
Don't let me drown.
Who will make me fight?
Drag me out alive?
Save me from myself,
Don't let me drown.

What doesn't destroy you,
Leaves you broken instead.
Got a hole in my soul growing deeper and deeper.
And I can't take,
One more moment of this silence,
The loneliness is taunting me.
And the weight of the worlds getting harder to hold up
(Hold up, hold up, hold up)

It comes in waves, I close my eyes,
Hold my breath and let it bury me.
I'm not okay and it's not all right,
Won't you drag the lake and bring me home again?

Who will fix me now?
Dive in when I'm down?
Save me from myself,
Don't let me drown.
Who will make me fight?
Drag me out alive?
Save me from myself,
Don't let me drown.

You know that I can't do this on my own.
You know that I can't do this on my own.
You know that I can't do this on my own.
You know that I can't do this on my own.