Can you fix me? (One Direction Self Harm Story)

Chapter 10

Samantha's POV:

It's beach day. Yayyyy. Note the sarcasm. They're all gonna want to swim, and I can't. I told Zayn that I didn't want to go because I hated swimming but he begged me to come so I relucatantly agreed. Atleast we were going at night so I could use the excuse "I'm cold" and it'll be believable. I put on black jeans, a gray sweater, black combat boots, and I put my hair into a ponytail. I had to be at the beach by 7:00, and it's now 6:00. I decided to go over to Jasmine's room and see what she was up to. I walked in and she had clothes sprawled all over the place and she was jsut standing there with her hands on her hips looking at them all. She noticed me and then said "I have a dilemma." I giggled and said "I can see this." "I don't know what to wear. Help me!" she said. "We're just going to the beach. Just put something on." I told her. "Easy for you to say. You look good in everything. You don't have to try unlike some people." she said. I started to feel uncomfortable. "Um, here wear this." I said while picking up her blue and white sundress. "And wear this if you get cold." I said while handing her, her black cardigan. "Perfect. Thanks, Sam!" she said. I smiled at her and went back downstairs and waited until she was ready.

"Beach fun! Wooooo!" Jasmine screams as we're heading to the beach. I laughed at her. She was a ray of sunshine for sure. We arrived at the beach and saw that the boys set up a tent and set up the fire already. "Hey, guys! So glad you could come!" Louis said to us. I smiled at him, and sat down next to Zayn. "Hey." he said. "Hi," I said back. Well, this wasn't awkward. "I really missed you..." he said while hugging me. "I missed you too." I said hugging back. He pulled away and then we continued to talk with the rest of the group. Louis was telling us about how he and his girlfriend, Eleanor, enjoyed their weekend in London. Niall was talking about how he and Jasmine have gotten really close. Harry was ranting over Taylor.....again. Liam was just listening to all of them talk, and then everyon looks at Zayn and I. "How have you guys been?" Harry asks. Truth is, Zayn and I haven't been talking as much anymore. I feel distant from him, but it's probably my fault because I've been pushing him away. "We're alright I guess." Zayn says. I look down at my lap and ignore everyone else around me. My life is a complete mess. I'm fat and ugly. Jasmine is getting happier and happier every day. My parents don't love me and they're always gone. I've practically raised myself. Zayn and I are drifting apart and it's my fault. Everything is my fault. A tear slid down my cheek and I quickly wipe it away. I sniffle, and I was praying that nobody heard me because I didn't want them to know that I was crying. "Are you okay?" Zayn whispers to me. Well, crap. I guess he heard me. I nod while still looking down. "What's wrong?" he asks. "Excuse me." I whisper and then I get up and start to walk towards the restroom. I practically run there so no one could follow me.

I locked the door behind me so no one could come in at all. I went over to the mirror and looked at myself. Why was I so ugly? Fat? Awkward? Annoying? Stupid? Why? Here I am at the beach with a group of people that make me happy and I'm going to cry in the restroom. "Stop crying. Dry your tears and go out there and have fun. Don't drag those people down with you. Be happy tonight....if not for you then do it for them." I whisper to myself. I dry off my face, and thankfully my eyes weren't puffy so you couldn't tell that I was crying. I open up the door to the bathroom and saw Jasmine standing there waiting for me to come out. Once she saw me she asked "Are you okay? Zayn said you were crying and then you ran to the bathroom." "I'm fine, and I wasn't crying. I just sniffled, and then I had to pee really bad. I mean I did drink all of that water before I came." I said. She nodded and it seemed like she believed me. I went back to the fire, and sat down next to Zayn. "Why were you crying?" he asks. "I wasn't. I just had to go to the bathroom." I lied. "You sure?" he asks. I nod. "You know you can talk to me, right?" he says. I nod again. He looks at me for a few seconds and then sighs but he finally drops the subject.

"Let's make food!" Niall shouts. We all giggled at him. "You're always about the food, Nialler." I say to him. He cheekily smiles at me and I giggle. They all started to make their hot dogs and I just sat there watching them. "Aren't you going to eat?" Jasmine asks. "No, I ate before I came." I lie. "No, you didn't." she says. Really, Jasmine? Just go a long with it...please. "Yes, I did. I ate while you were getting ready." I tell her. She stares at me for a few seconds and then continues to cook her hot dog. I felt Zayn looking at me and I could tell he wanted to say something but he kept to himself.