Can you fix me? (One Direction Self Harm Story)

Chapter 8

Samantha's POV:

I open my eyes, and I notice that Zayn wasn't laying beside me anymore. I decided to go look for him. I look into the kitchen first to see if he was cooking something, he wasn't there. I venture down into the hall looking into every room. It was Liam's room frist, then Louis's, then Zayn's, then Harry's, and then Niall's. When I looked into Louis's room I saw Louis and Harry standing there bickering over somethething. I interuppted them and said "Do you know where Zayn's at?" They both look at me. "Oh, hey Sam. He might be in the bathroom." Harry said. "Thanks." I said before walking out. I head to their bathroom, and I was about to knock but then Zayn came out. "Oh, hey Sam. Did you sleep well?" he asked me. I nod. "That's good. You need the bathroom?" he asked me. "Actually, I was looking for you but now that I found you I guess I could get ready." I told him. "Alright. Well, what do you want for breakfast?" he asked. "Nothing." I replied. "You've got to eat something." he said. "I never eat breakfast." I told him. "Alright. Well, I'll be in the kitchen." he said and then left. I walked into the bathroom, and then shut the door behind me. I locked it. I got dressed, and I started to brush my hair when I saw noticed it sitting on the ground. The thing that has ruined my life. The thing that I think about constantly when I eat. The thing that I try my best to make it go lower. A scale. I take a deep breath debating whether to check my weight or not. I'm really scared to especially after last night. I stepped on and waited for it to flash my weight. 114.5. 144.5 144.5 114.5. It just get swimming around in my head. I only lost .5 lbs? A tear slid down my cheek. That's not good enough. I tried so fucking hard, and that's all I lost? I quickly dried off my face, and gathered all my stuff. I need to get home. I need to cut. I rush into the kitchen, and I saw everyone standing there talking amongst themselves. I was going to try to slide out the door unnoticed but then I heard Zayn say "Hey, Sam! We're just making plans to go shopping today. Is that fine with you?" Shopping? Where I can see all the clothes that will never look good on my enormous body? So, I can feel bad about myself even more? Great. Now, everyone was looking at me. Harry, Zayn, Niall, Louis, Liam, and Jasmine. They're eyes staring at me waiting for an answer. "Uh-um, you guys can go. I really need to go." I say and then quickly rush out the door. I headed to my car, and shoved all my stuff in the back, and I started to head over to the drivers side of the car. I felt a hand rest on my should and then turn me around. My eyes met with Zayn's. "Are you alright?" he asks. I nod. "Don't lie." he says. "I'm not. I'm okay. I just want to go home." I tell him. "Why? We were going to spend the day together. It'll be fun. Come on." he grabs my hand and starts to lead me to the house. I stop. "No. I don't want to go. I love you, Zayn. I love all of you but right now I just want to go home. Okay? I'm not feeling well." I tell him. "Are you sick?" he asks. "I think so. I think I have a fever. I better go. But you guys go to the mall and have fun." I say. He looks sad. We stand there for a moment and then he sighs. "Alright. Well, text me. I love you." he says. "I will. Have fun. I love you too." I say. And then we hug before I get into my car. I wave goodbye, and then drive off.

Zayn's POV:

I walk back into the house after Samantha left. She said she felt sick, but I feel like it's something else. "Where's Sam?" Jasmine asks me. "She went home. She said she didn't feel well." I tell her. "She was fine this morning when she asked Harry and I where you were." Louis tells me. "She didn't seem sick or angry or anything...did she?" I ask the both of them. They shake their heads. "Samantha never gives up a chance to go shopping either. She would live in the mall if she could!" Jasmine says. What could of happened in that short amount of time that made her so upset? "I'll talk to her later I guess. Are we ready to go shopping?" I ask the group. They all nod their heads and then we head to the mall.

Jasmine's POV:

I'm surprised Samantha passed up on shopping. She loves shopping because it gives her a chance to buy more band merch from Hot Topic. It's her favorite store. "Hey, what does Sam like? I wanted to buy something for her so she wouldn't feel totally bad that she couldn't come shopping with us." Zayn asks. "Well, her favorite band is Bring Me The Horizon and she loves the store Hot Topic." I answer him. He nods and then walks off into Hot Topic. Samantha's really lucky to have a guy like him, but then again I'm really grateful for cute little Irish boy. I looked over at Niall and he was making jokes with Harry. They must've been pretty funny because they both almost toppled over. He noticed I was staring at him and I smiled back. He comes over and grabs my hand and then we continue to walk. A couple minute later Zayn walks out of Hot Topic with a bag. "What did you get her?' I ask him. "I got her a Bring Me The Horizon tank top, black ripped skinny jeans, a Bring Me The Horizon phone case, new vans, a necklace, and bracelets. Do you think she'll like it?" he asks me. "She'll definitely love it." I reassure him. "When are you gonna give it to her?'" I ask. "I don't know. Whenever I feel the time is right." he says. I just nod and then we continue to walk a bit until we stopped at a chinese place and ate lunch there. "Group selfie!" Liam says. He hold up his phone and we all squeeze into the photo and he takes it. This day was great. The only way it could be better if is Sam was with us....

Samantha's POV:

I look at my forearm. It now has the words written "NOT GOOD ENOUGH" on it. It's true. I don't deserve Zayn. I'm pathetic. I keep leaving him unexpectedly and he's going to get tired of it sooner or later. Jasmine doesn't know anything about me. She thinks I'm happy. My parents. Well, they don't give a shit about me. I clean up the mess I made and bandage my arm. My phone started to buzz. I was getting a call. It was Zayn. I don't know if I should answer.......I press the answer button and put it to my ear.

S: Hello?

Z: Are you feeling better?

I hesitate to answer. I look at my arm and then say..

S: Yes, much better actually.

Z: That's good. Sorry you couldn't go shopping with us.

S: No, it's okay. Did you have fun?

Z: Yeah, it would've been better if you were there. Um, the group wanted to go to the beach on Wednesday? Is that alright?

S: I don't like to swim...

Z: That's okay. We can still hang out and have a bonfire on the beach at night.

S: Alright. Sounds good. See you Wednesday.

Z: Bye. I love you.

S: Love you too.

And with that I hung up. It was now Monday, and I wouldn't see him until Wednesday. I could make it a day with out him, right? I noticed an instagram notification. "@LiamPayne mentioned you in a comment." I clicked on it, and it was a picture of the group at the mall. The caption read "Love these guys! Had a great day at the mall! We missed @_hai_im_sami_ though! :(" I smiled slightly. They all looked so happy. Would I ever be as happy as them? I shut my phone off and I decided to go to sleep. It's been a rough morning. I need to catch up on my sleep anyways....

(A/N: Thanks so much for 215 reads! It means a lot to me!)