Can you fix me? (One Direction Self Harm Story)

Chapter 21

Samantha's POV:

I woke up on the couch with a stiff neck and no one else was around except...Niall? He was sleeping on the chair next to me. I was confused as to why I was down here and then I remembered.......they all found out that I'm still hurting myself last night. Niall must be down here to "watch" me. I'm glad it's Niall because I'm closest with him but I disappointed him last night and I hate myself for that. I hurt everyone last night. I'm ruining my relationship with Zayn and all of my friendships because of this. I think it'd be better for everyone if I just left. I can't stay here anymore and continue to ruin their lives. It's not fair to them. I noticed that it was still dark outside so I checked my phone to see what time it was. It's only 3:45 in the morning? Why am I even awake? If I'm going to leave, now would be the perfect time because nobody would notice until morning. I decide to call Ashley.

A: Hello?

S: Hey, can you come pick me up at my house?

A: What? Why? It's almost 4 in the morning!

S: I'll explain later. Just hurry, please.

A: Okay, I'll be there in 10.

I hung up and got up from the couch quietly. I quickly packed a few clothes and other little stuff. I wrote a note:

I'm sorry. I couldn't stay here and continue to ruin your lives. I left in the middle of the night and I'm staying somewhere else. I'm sorry this had to happen. I love you all and I'm going to miss you guys....especially you, Zayn.

Bye,
Samantha.

I put the note on the counter and then I got a text from Ashley that she was here. I opened the door and snuck out quietly. I ran to her car and quickly shut the door. "What is going on?" she asks. "Drive and I'll explain." I answered. On her way to her apartment I tell her everything that happened; how Zayn found the blades, then we fought, then he found out about my eating disorder again, and then my break down, and now here I am in her car. "Wow. I'm sorry." Ashley says sympathetically. I looked at her eyes and I noticed they're all red and puffy. "Have you been crying?" I ask. "Um, my boyfriend and I broke up last night. Apparently, he can't deal with me because I'm too "depressed" and he found someone else." she says as we park in front of her apartment. We get out of the car and walk inside and we both plop onto the couch. "I'm really sorry, Ashley. Looks like we're bothing having a sucky Christmas. I wish all this pain would go away." I said. "Me too. I can't take it anymore." she whispers. "I almost attempted last night....but I didn't want to leave you here alone." she tells me. "A few months ago I was going to commit suicide but then Zayn found me and that's how he found out the first time. Now, I don't have anything to live for. Nothing to stay for....." I ramble. We both sit in silence for a few moments and then Ashley turns to me with wide eyes and a smile. "What?" I ask. "Why don't we do it together?" she says. "What?" I say all confused. "We both lost our boyfriends. We have nothing to live for anymore. Come on, look at us. We're in so much pain and the only thing we both have now is each other.....so let's do it together. Best friends go down together." she says. I begin to think about it.....am I really ready to die? Of course I am. Remember? You're just ruining everyone's life. Your parents don't care about you. You're a burden to Zayn. You've disappointed Niall. Just kill yourself. "Okay, let's do it." I say giving into the voices. I find a piece of paper and a pen and I write my note and Ashley writes hers. "Ready?" Ashley asks. I nod my head and a tear slides down my cheek. "I'm ready...I just wish...nevermind." I say. I turn to Ashley and I notice that she's been crying too. She hands me a beer and a bottle of sleeping pills. We both sit on her floor and stare at each other for awhile. "Ashley, I feel like this is a crazy thing to do...." I say. "I know, me too but no one can save me or you...and if I'm going to die it's going to be with my best friend." she says. "I love you." I say. I open my bottle of pills and pour them into my hand. "Zayn, I love you." I whisper and then put all of the pills into my mouth. I open my beer and chug it down. I watch as Ashley does the same. "This is it." I say. We both lay down on her floor and join our hands together. "Goodbye." I say. "Goodbye." she says back and then everything goes black.