Playing With Fire & Ice

20

I sigh tiredly as I make my way back to my room after physical therapy. It kicked my ass as I had just started walking on my own without a cane.

I was doing my best to be able to drive again. I was grateful to Sean for driving me around but I was independent. I could do things on my own.

Entering the room I sigh in relief as I flop down on the bed. Happy to just have some time to myself. Curling my arm under the pillow to support my head. "Ms. Young sorry to bother you but there is someone here to see you." I hear a nurse say. "Who is it?" I asked turning my head to her.

"Umm she says her name is Jazzy Young." She said. "Send her in." I sigh as I contiue to lay on the bed. Jazz walked in the room with a sad face.

"So you ready to let him go." I say to her bluntly and Jazzy looked down. "Effie you remember when mom died it seemed so suddenly to me. One day she was here being bossy as ever with a proud smile then she's dead in hospital bed. I visited her everyday and she seemed okay. But I guess she wasn't." Jazzy said softly.

"Quit this Jazzy. I never got to even say a goodbye to my own mother. I was to busy living my own life. But I know in my heart she was proud of me for leaving the nest. She was battling breat cancer for God's sake, she was dying Jazzy. But you never let go. She didn't die out of the blue she was tired and now dad is exhausted." I said to her glaring as I looked at her.

"But I need him." Jazzy said and I sat up though I was sore. "What the fuck for?! You live on your own! You go to school. Dad is so fucking proud of you as I am. You are in college. God, let go!" I yell at her harshly. "Is everything alright in there Ms. Young?" I hear a knock on the door.

"She was just leaving." I say turning over facing the wall. Hearing a sigh and Jazzy leaving the room, I close my eyes crossing my arms.

If she didn't see that dad was tired, she's blind. He was getting worse and worse each day. He was getting more tired, aging right before our eyes. Hell a simple slip on the floor good be his death.

I grumbled as I release a sigh deciding to take a nap.
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I stood nervous outside mama's hospital room trying to prepare myself. Feeling a hand on the small of my back, I turn to my husband, Sean. We are nearing six years of marriage and I couldn't be happier about "It'll be okay. Don't worry so much Effie. Mom is strong she'll get through this." Sean smiled sadly and I released a breath before making me way into the room.

Mama was laying on the hospital bed her arms crossed as Dad tried to get her to eat. Jazzy was in the corner of the room silently laughing. "I'm not eating that slop Eddie. Forget about it." She said. "You just came back from chemotherapy. Just eat something please." Dad pleaded. "Fine give me the damned fruit....You better be lucky I love you." Mama said as she ate the fruit.

"I see you're still kicking huh mama." I chuckle softly as I stand at the end of the bed. "Damn straight. Jazzy come from that corner, you ain't no shadow." Mama said and Jazzy came to the bed smiling at both Sean and I in greeting.

As we all began to talk I notice how mama had looked slightly weaker than when I last seen her. She looked smaller, her hair was completely gone now and she looked extremely tired. "Everyone can I talk to mama alone for a few minutes." I said and Sean glanced my way before kissing my temple and following everyone else out the room.

"What do you want to talk about Effie?" Mama said as I moved to sit beside her. "How are you doing mama? I mean seriously." I say as I hold her hand and I notice how it slightly trembles lightly.

"Well Effie, I'm not doing good. I'm losing weight, my hair is gone, I'm tired all the time. I'm not doing to good Effie. Doctor say I have maybe a couple more months but don't worry about me. I was meant to die sometime. Live your life baby." Mama said and I sniffled.

"But mama." I said. "Hey. Hey now. Don't nothing good come from crying. Now listen and listen good. I'm not immortal Effie. I'll be okay." Mama said and I nodded. "Well I'm going to go now mama. I'll definitely be calling you tomorrow. Sean and I have to go back to Connecticut tonight." I say as I lean down kissing her head.

"Alright Effie. Remember black girl magic is real Effie." Mama said. "If you can't stand it I suggest you put a flag on a whole 'nother planet." I smile before leaving the room. Seeing Dad, Jazzy and Sean talking, I go up to them.

"So what happened?" Jazzy said but I shook my head. "Stay happy little sis. Dad, Sean and I have to leave now to catch a flight. So see you later." I smile.
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That was the last time I actually saw mama but that talk that I had with her always stuck with me. Feeling someone behind I grumble.

"If it's Jazzy go away." I say. "What's wrong between you and your sister? Nurse said you were yelling at her early." Sean said and I grumbled. "Dad is tired and dying. She won't let go and rather watch him suffer." I grumble.

"Well just leave it alone. She'll come around don't try to force her. I have some food for you. It's a pecan and chicken salad." Sean said. Turning over I groan a little as I sit up.

"What's wrong Tiger?" Sean asked. "Physically therapy was kind of tough today buy the doc said I could possibly try driving again next week." I said as I ate the salad.

"That's awesome baby." Sean smiled hugging me. "Yeah thanks. I'm ready to leave this hell hole." I say to him as he pulls away. "I'm so proud of the progress you've made Tiger." Sean smiled.

"Did you tell your parents yet?" I asked quirking a eyebrow. "I will but it's better to tell them in person." Sean said. "Sounds like excuses to me." I say crossing my arms.

"No mercy. I can't exactly do that but I have a explaination." Sean said. "Fine." I grumbled.