Playing With Fire & Ice

40

Entering into the apartment after the service, I feel everything finally settle into as I sink down to my knees.

"Hey. Hey. Are you okay Effie?" Sean said but I couldn't answer him as I broke down into sobs. I just shook my head as I cried into his suit.

"W-wh-what a-a-am I-I g-going to d-do?" I cried into his suit as I felt him lift me up as he walked somewhere. "Effie look at me." He said as he held my head making me look at him with tears streaming my face.

"You are going to do what you always do. You will persevere. Don't you remember in middle school when you were stood up at eight grade prom. You still went by yourself and you had a good time." Sean said smiling softly.

"T-then wh-why a-am I s-so a-angry?" I ask him sniffling as I cried harder than before. "This is the stages of grief Ef. I'll be right here to help you as much as I can." Sean said as he set me down on the couch before going to the kitchen. Bringing my knees up to my chest I sniffle as I put my head in between my knees.

I felt so much saddness and anger brewing inside me. I didn't want to eat. I didn't want to work. I just wanted to sleep. But I couldn't do that.

Feeling the couch dip beside me I look at Sean seeing he was handing me a sandwich. "Thanks." I murmur before I take the sandwich sitting it in my lap.

"I know you don't want to eat but please eat at least half of it." Sean said as he cut the sandwich in half. Taking half, I sigh as I bite into it.

"So what do you want to do for dinner tonight? We could go out or I can cook or I could order some food." Sean said. "Even though I barely want to eat pizza and hot wings sound good." I murmur softly to him.

We finished our sandwhich before we just sit on the couch. "Sean?" I asked as I leaned into her. "Yes?" He replied.

"Will I ever go back to normal?" I asked. "I don't know. There is always that loved one that will die and it changes your perspective on life. But I don't think you will ever go back to normal. But you will find a new normal. You'll be able to talk about pops and be able to go into his room. You'll tell kids of his legacy." Sean said. "What kids?" I asked with a raise eyebrow.

"Our kids and their children." He says simply. "Sean I think I'm a bit old to be having kids at this point." I say. "We can always try surrogacy or adoption. But thats besides the point. Their isn't really a definition for normal but we will be in this together I can garuntee you that." Sean said.

Smiling lightly I hug him tight putting my nose in his neck smellibg his woosdy sent. "I love you so much Sean. You could be anywhere else but you're here. I'm grateful for that." I whisper in his ear.

He remainrd silent vut he hugged me back as he put me on his lap. There wasn't anything intimate about it as we simply just held each other. "I love you too." Sean whispered to me.

"Lets go take a nap Effie." Sean murmured. I nodded against his chest as I feel him stand up walking to my room. Laying on the bed, Sean puts the cover over us before I feel myself go to sleep.
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I was 10 at the time and it was during Thanksgiving. I of course was stuck helping mom prepare food in the kitchen but all I wanted to do was go hand out with Sean.

"Effie, I've been calling you name for 5 minutes." Mom yelled at me. "Sorry mama. What do you need?" I asked her with a sigh. "I know you want to go hand out with Sean but you know your daddy is limited on his cooking skills. Lord knows with thw amount of people coming over I need everything yo be cooked to perfection. Now go peel those sweet potatoes and cut then y into a pan." Mama said as she pointed to a boil that had sweet potatoes.

Going over to them I peel them as ma said to before cutting chunks into a pan. "Aye what did I say!?" I heard mama yell as I looked over seeing dad trying to take a piece of pumpkin pie.

"But sweet thang." Dad whined. "Don't sweet thang mister you will wait like everyone else." She yelled at him and I couldn't help but chuckle.

"What are you laughing at Effie? Hmm." Dad said. "Oh nothing. Mama are you going to make fried cabbage?" I asked. "Its already done actually. But what kind of cake should we make for dessert?" Mama asked. "I think Red Velevt with walnuts." I say to her.

"That's what I was thinking."  She said. A few hours later I heard the doorbell ring just as I had finisged getting dressing in a tan sweater, yoga pants and fluffy socks. With mu hair in a bun I walk down the stairs, I see Sean standing their with his parents dressed in a pair of jeans, long sleeved shirt and shoes.

"Oh there she is. Effie c'mere." Dad said a wide smile on his face. Walking I wave at Sean's parents smiling lightly at Sean. "Yeah." I said. "It seem that you finally can hang out with Sean now. I know your mom had you in that kitchen all day so go have a little fun with your friend." Dad said and I smiled at him hugging his waist my head barely reaching his chest.

Taking Sean's hand in mu I drag him to my room spending the next hour having fun.