Holding On (A Harry Styles Love Story)

Holidays

The flame danced on the logs in the fireplace, crackling and popping as it radiated heat. Jessica and I sat beside it on the wooden floor, warmed by the fire and also by the hot chocolate in our hands. We said nothing, for neither of us had anything to say. Without two essential family members, the pre-Christmas jitters weren't what they used to be. The holiday that once brought cheer, excitement, warm feelings, and joy was replaced with a feeling of emptiness. Almost like being single on Valentine's day, but a hundred times worse. It was a constant reminder that I was missing two key parts of me: A father and a sister.

However, as miserable as I might've been that Christmas Eve night, I wasn't going to bring everyone else down. Jessica's family was nice enough to let us spend the night with them and enjoy Christmas in the morning. Although they convinced us that it was a pleasure to let us stay instead of a sacrifice, I couldn't help but think that they were just giving us charity. I knew that wasn't true, since my mother and Jessica's mother happened to be extremely close, but I didn't like the feeling that they were taking pity on us.

The only sounds audible were the sizzling of the fire place and the adults having small talk in the kitchen. Jessica was humming a tune that I couldn't recognize, and my eyes were wandering around the familiar room. The dark wooden floors, the leather couches, mahogany coffee table and creme colored love seat, the scarlet-red walls lined with picture after picture of Jessica's happy family- laughing, dancing, hugging. I hated myself when I felt jealousy slither into my heart.

I knew Jessica didn't have an easy life. Obviously, no one's life was easy in any way. Her mom was recovering from an alcohol addiction, and they fought constantly. But part of me argued the fact that her mom was, at least, recovering. And at least all of her family members were alive, and no one left the others. But I also reminded myself that I never had to worry about my mother losing her temper and going off on me for a stupid reason- like being drunk. Truth be told, both of us had struggles. I just needed to stop comparing mine to everyone else's.

"Thanks again for letting us spend Christmas at your house." My mother's voice was getting closer, making me realize that they were probably coming to join us in the living room.

My thoughts were confirmed when the three adults rounded the corner that separated the living room and the kitchen. "Oh, of course!" Jessica's mom, Belle, gushed with joy. Sometimes I wondered if she had multiple personalities. One minute- She was the kind of woman who would help anyone with anything at anytime. She was one of those people who lived in the spirit of Christmas all year long. The next minute- she was drinking, screaming at Jessica, and throwing plates against the wall and knocking down lamps.  

"Yeah, thanks. It means a lot," I added, meaning it.

"It's our pleasure." Stan, Jessica's dad, grinned happily. His deep, welcoming voice was as rich as caramel, yet as natural as dew rolling off the green grass in the morning. I admired him for staying with his wife through her addiction, supporting her in her recovery. Always being there for her.

Everything about him drew you in, much like my own father. My dad could open his arms and automatically make you feel at home. His soft eyes contrasted with his dynamic smile; he had a great smile. The kind of smile that always held contagious laughs. But secrets... his smile always held a million little secrets. Every time he looked at me with that beam in his eyes, I expected him to tell me something unknown. I kept anticipating the day that he revealed his secrets to me, but he never did. Instead, he left. No explanation, no reasons, nothing.

The only smile that was more enchanting than my dad's was Harry's. It's probably because Harry's smile was honest, instead of giving the impression that it was hiding something. Maybe it's because Harry's smile was more like a little child's: playful and innocent.