A Seam Within the Galaxy • Kylo Ren

Ch.5

I switched off my datapad, letting out a long exasperated sigh as I leaned backward into my chair. Kicking my feet up onto my desk, I looked along the walls of my office, a quaint little room for me to do my work quietly. I had just finished up marking down the stormtroopers accounted for on the Death Star, and those that were most likely slain on Exodeen. As the days passed, feelings of inadequacy consumed me further, still unaware of what my fate was. I hadn't heard of any changes made within my position, so I assumed nobody had replaced me.

I had kept to myself and kept busy the last few days, meeting with stormtroopers and assessing where they were at physically. I felt desolate, but it gave me time to work and try and regulate my mind without disruptions. I needed to know who we had left and what their capabilities were after the previous battle. I also had to calculate how many spaces would need to be filled within a matter of weeks, since we had lost a good amount on Exodeen.

I yawned and rubbed my temple, feeling my mind wander and letting it do as it chose to. I had felt particularly tense for the last few days, unsure of where these feelings had stemmed from as I was not particularly angry toward anything. Confusion, conflict and somewhat hurt was accounted for, but not this.

I didn't let myself reflect back on the training room with Commander Ren within the last few days, I was too nervous to get overly caught up and summon the heaping pile of anger that he was. I heeded his warning, focusing on my work as often as I could. Even within the strenuous effort of walking around the Death Star and visiting others, my mind still wavered when I had down time. I couldn't help but think of him and how he was doing.

I still wanted to know what else could possibly come from this, and why these capabilities had found me, somehow connecting me to the Commander of the First Order... of all people. It also worried me how he didn't seem to care, between everything that had occurred between us. Speaking with him in the training room made me feel of use, important. Now I was afraid that there was nothing to become of me, that I would just live in the mess of my mind for the rest of my life, constantly trying to get a hold of it as well as my emotions.

He had done something to me, I couldn't quite put my finger on it. Almost trance-like, how could you not think of someone immediately after they told you not to? That's an entirely impossible rule to abide by. Was he doing this to me, somehow? Forcing me to think of him so often? I don't believe I've ever devoted as much of my mind to anyone as I have for him, it felt out of my control. There's something about him that has caused my brain to rewire itself completely, just from two measly interactions. Something doesn't add up.

I felt even more afraid that I would never see him again, as much as I loathed to admit that. Although he frustrated me, I felt a very obvious pull toward him. Does he feel it too? Or is he the one pulling the strings?

I bit the inside of my cheek, not daring to push forward on anything too deep about this man. I felt like a stupid doll, my emotions so constantly altered without my permission because of him. I liked to tell myself that if I had a better hold on my mind, I would stop thinking about him. But another part of me knew that this wasn't true, just a front I could put up in hopes he couldn't see through the cracks, revealing how defenseless I truly was.

Insistent beeps came from below, pulling me from my thoughts. The long, thin, mechanical hand stretched over my body and placed a memory drive on my desk next to my datapad, rather impatiently. I huffed a breath through my nose, grinning at the ebony droid as the arm quickly zipped back into the compartment it had come out of.

"My apologies, BB-9E. Thank you for your work." I praised the droid, turning my head to look directly at him. He continued on with his annoyance, strings of beeps heavily compiled together as he grumbled to himself. He eventually accepted the acknowledgement.