A Seam Within the Galaxy • Kylo Ren

Ch.13

I am pulled from the depths of my sleep as I hear familiar beeps at my bedside, opening heavy eyes to reveal BB-9E eagerly getting my attention. I take in a deep breath as I stretch, feeling a terrible pounding in my head. As I rise I feel the magnitude of the pain, dizzying me as I struggle to center my vision on BB-9. He mentions to me that the Commander had summoned him to my quarters to keep me company in his own absence, giving me butterflies so soon at the beginning of my day. I groan, rubbing my eyes as I recall the previous night, regretting mostly every action I had made. Choosing to go to the bar, unable to fight off Kaz. Choosing to summon the Commander, quite literally blubbering to him about my deepest fears. Letting myself get caught up in my thoughts of him.

BB-9 fills me in on the time, two hours before the banquet is set to begin. This is what makes me feel sick. The idea of dressing up at a time where I felt nothing short of incapable and emasculated. Putting on a front seemed too exhausting, especially in front of so many people. I needed to find my repose, and prepare for a night of endless, mindless small talk. I suppose it was only one night, after this I could choose to remain in my quarters for quite some time, besides training classes or students one-on-one.

I carefully slide out of bed and onto my feet, BB-9 mentioning caffenation could be the salvation of my morning. I laugh as my dear friend lightens the mood, and I brew a small pot as I run the shower. In the shower I mull over the conversation between the Commander and I, cringing at how much of myself I gave away. He knew so much about me, and of him I knew the general amount the public was also familiar with. I knew he had a softer, more polite side to him that I was sure few others were aware of, but that was it. He had pushed his way into my mind in the training center, flipping through around 22 of the 26 years of my life. He might have known me better than Kaz at this point, seeing almost everything my mind had to offer him.

I stepped out of the shower, drying my hair. He didn't know all that there was to me, though. He knew a good amount of my fears, my past experiences, opinions, the way I chose to react to different kinds of matters. He saw past relationships and bonds I had formed with certain students, my anxieties and worries at the time of becoming an officer years ago, as well as the ways I coped with those anxieties as I progressed within the ranks and became a Major.

Although, he didn't know me personally. He hadn't ever made memories with me, worked alongside of me, observed me in battle. He had simply read over my biography, but he did hold more information on me than anyone else in all the galaxies. Did he do that to everyone? Skim their minds so thoroughly, holding an expansive encyclopedia in his mind of everyone he's ever peered into? If so, that must be exhausting.

I apply rapid heat to my hair, drying within moments. I sigh as I walk over to my closet, looking over my small choice of dresses to choose from. I was by no means someone who enjoyed dressing up, but I knew it would come in handy for special occasions such as this. It was between the deep red gown, a form fitting black dress, and a shorter, green dress more suitable for a picnic-like outing. I bite my lip, pulling out the black dress and examining it. It was purchased for me on a different planet, as it was too risky for me to be seen before our plan had been carried out. This dress was meant to be worn on a mission on Jedha, other officers had been given dresses or suits as well to fit the bill. I believe we embarked on this mission when I was 22, a month or so before I was promoted to Major. I had led other officers and troopers, strategically placing troopers around the perimeter of the large affair as myself and four other officers were meant to be inside.

Unfortunately our cover was blown, literally, as the building the get-together had commenced within was blown up. We hadn't known it then, but a bounty hunter was also looking for the same person we were, he had seen fit to take out the target, endangering many others in the process. Luckily no one from The Order was harmed, but myself and the four other officers would have been added to the list of lives lost if we would have left twenty minutes earlier than we had planned. I had worn the dress, but never got to put it to use.