A Seam Within the Galaxy • Kylo Ren

Ch.7

I come to, feeling a soft, but firm mattress beneath me. As the lights in the room are astoundingly bright, I flutter my eyes open slowly and carefully. I can see I'm in the med wing, alone in one of the private rooms, different colored tubes connected to my lower left arm. I strain my head to inspect them, curious to what was being pumped into me. A pounding ache in my head struck me back down onto my pillow, my mouth growing dry and my stomach turning as I thought back on why I was here.

Drinks with Kaz, a lot of drinks. Entering the turbolift with her, gliding down the hallway... in her arms. Heading to her room. Did we enter? Did I get alcohol poisoning?

The mere thought of alcohol makes me wince, forcing my eyes shut tight as my heart races. Breathing becomes a focal point for me, giving my best efforts to push away the idea of how weak and helpless I felt in that moment. I lick my lips and exhale from my mouth, feeling even drier than the entirety of Tatooine. I want to leave, to resume back to the schedule I was just starting to get used to after coming back from Exodeen. Being here wasn't within my character—drinking excessive amounts of alcohol to the point of making myself sick, and apparently in need of medical attention.

I noticed the makings of bruises on both sides of my upper arms and even, teeth marks? I shudder, sweat lining my brow. Had I gotten myself into some kind of tussle with a creature? A creature on the Death Star? I groaned, weakly lifting my arms to rub my palms against my eyes, defeated as I couldn't think back on what had happened.

This was tacky, embarrassing for someone as respected as myself to act in such a manner. I reminded myself of my father, from the little memories I had of him during my childhood. The idea of him makes me feel even more nauseated so I shove it back down, the first conscious thought of my father that I've had in quite some time.

Nothing felt the same to me anymore, since returning from Exodeen. It's almost as if the moment I was struck down in battle, my life did a complete 180. I didn't feel right, I didn't act right, I couldn't perform right. Thoughts of the commander pressed into the forefront of my mind, almost forgetting about the two interactions I've had with him and how they concluded. What an embarrassment he must peg me down to be, no longer able to properly fight, unable to get a hold of my mind and the emotions they create.

I stay silent, motionless in the bed, not wishing to speak to anyone and solidify my embarrassing actions had put me in here.

I couldn't let myself decide if my life had gone down hill because of how my injury prohibits me from resuming my regular lifestyle, or if the thought of Commander Ren hounded my mind with such vigor that it made me soft. Maybe it was him, filling my mind with nonsense and weakening it. I shook my head to myself, knowing well enough that he would never waste his time on anyone like that.

I shift slightly in the bed, my back sore from laying down. The pounding of my head keeps me still, not wishing to push it any further. I was disappointed in myself, for letting things get too out of my control. If Kaz wasn't going to follow as my replacement after my injury, she was definitely going to if I kept up this kind of behavior.

A strong wave of realization abruptly came over me as I thought back onto the night I grabbed drinks with Kaz. It felt like someone had lifted a veil, making things more clear for me to decipher.

I recalled her acting somewhat odd, but I couldn't put my finger on any distinct actions, my mind too hazy to think that intricately on a night that was so far from my reach. I remember being angry with her, confused even. For what reason? That piece of the puzzle was too far gone.

I grinded my teeth together, desperately trying to piece together the order things happened that night. At some point we left the bar, that's when I know for certain I was angry with her. I could vaguely make out her facial expressions in the hallway right outside her quarters. Tense, agitated, as I was in disbelief. I think she had told me something I didn't want to hear, maybe? I bit my lip, recalling stumbling away from her room and hearing her call out my name. I didn't stay the night with her.