A Seam Within the Galaxy • Kylo Ren

Ch.20

I feel the ship beginning to rev down its engines, signalling that we were getting ready to land. I sat up from my bed, my sore spine a clear indication of how uncomfortable the bed had been overnight. I resided in my room for around five hours, having spent not a moment of them at rest, my mind far too enveloped in my prior mistakes. I stand and make my way to the sink, finally taking a look at myself for the first time in a few hours.

Puffy eyelids, reddened lower lids and a deep purple ring around my under eyes. I widened my eyes to see the whites around my irises had a few blown blood vessels from the exertion of crying, splotches of scarlet red similar to flashes of lightning.

I turned on the faucet to splash my skin with cold water a few tries, hoping it would die down how irritated my eyes had become. Only now I felt like I had no tears left to cry, the reservoir within me completely run bone dry. I huff and fix my tousled hair, smoothening it out and tying an elastic around the long strands for a low ponytail, unable to find an ounce of dedication to how I came off to others for the day.

I took notice of the small refrigerator tucked away in the corner of the room, stocked with water and an assortment of snacks. I knew my appetite was nowhere to be found, but I needed the energy if today was the day we happened to find anyone of use to the Order. I drank water for what seemed to be the first time in ages, cooling my dried throat I let myself put up with overnight. I sat on the floor, popping a few pieces of fruit into my mouth as I raised a hand to my side, silently motioning over my boots. The chilled fruit was juicy and tasted delicious, but it was hard to find any kind of enjoyment within my own self pity, any amount feeling undeserving.

The ship begins to rattle and shake some more, seeming that we were getting closer to landing on Tatooine. I stuck both legs out once my boots were on, grabbing a breakfast bar from the fridge and unwrapping it as I motioned the force to help me fasten my shoes. I sunk my teeth into the bar as I sat back against the bed, motioning my fingers as they tightened the straps of the boots tighter as well as flattening out the legs of my pants. I eagerly finish the bar, rising to my feet and taking one last look in the mirror.

To my surprise, there was no doubt about me that gave off the fact that I had stayed up all night, very obviously crying. One of the benefits of being Commandant, or even when I was a Major, was that not many chose to comment on things like that. Even if they did just so, I was under no obligation to answer, or amuse any questions I didn't deem fit. I thought back to Khan, and how he must have thought I hated him. I needed to fix this at some point, if I could manage to look him in the eye.

My fists ball at my sides, overlooking the matters I needed to attend to. Not only overturning the area outside of Bestine, but fixing the problem I had created between the Commander and I, as well as Khan. I shook my head, flattening out my uniform one last time before heading through the door.

I pass through the hallway, backtracking a bit to see the armory room, freshly lined with polished weaponry. I go to enter, the troopers surrounding the walls immediately stopping and turning to me at full attention to greet me. I tip my head to them, a sign to ease up a little bit as I make my way to the wall, grabbing a blaster gun and securing it to my hip, also grabbing extra ammo if needed and dropping it into the pouch to the side. I grabbed a pair of knives and fastened the holsters to my sides, grabbing one extra knife in case I had lost the two... it was just the way my brain saw fit, I suppose.

"Commandant. Troopers." I hear Khan greet in the doorframe, entering the room and placing himself at my side. I nod in his direction, keeping my eyes trained away from him and on the wall of weapons. I kept my head forward so our eyes didn't meet, but also so he didn't see the extent of my crying since we had last seen each other.