R i d e | a dialogue story

[26] she's gone

TW: mentions of su!c1de and FEELS

[Teal is calling...]

Kati Lopez looked up from her laptop. She was rewatching her speech from Marissa's funeral. She fought long and hard for Marissa to be put in a cute black dress. She hated white. Her phone kept ringing. She ignored it. 

"She was loved. She changed so many people's lives and she was loved by no one more than myself." At this point, Kati (in her bright red dress) had choked up. "Marissa Eves, you are an idiot for leaving me here on this earth without you. I miss you, so much."

[Teal is calling(2)...]

The assembly had been a disarray of rainbow colours, instead of the typical white. Marissa would have wanted it that way. Her flowers were bright, yellow sunflowers on top of her casket. They were her favourites. Kati often thought that Marissa would jump up from her casket and laugh at everyone for crying over her. 

She's gone. 

[Teal is calling(3)...]

Kati growled angrily, roughly rubbing her tears away and answering her phone.

"WHAT IS IT, TEAL?!"

"..."

"TEAL?"

"..."

"God. Teal. Just, please. What do you want?"

"I wanted you to be calm first."

"Well, I'm calm now. What is it?"

"Princess... are you okay? You've been ignoring my calls and texts.."

Kati snarled. 

"What do you think, T? My eyes are red as blood. I feel like crap."

"Kati..."

"WHAT?!"

"You don't feel that."

"I don't feel what? Pissed as hell at my asshole best friend who took her own life? Cos I promise you, Teal, I AM. Idiot didn't even think of calling me before she did it so I could say goodbye. I NEVER SAID GOODBYE, TEAL. I NEVER SAID GOODBYE."

"Kati... You know you don't feel that way."

"I hate her."

"No, you don't."

[Princess ended the call]

Tears started streaming down her face. Of course, she didn't hate her. She could never. Kati got up, tears still rolling down her cheeks. She took hold of a sunflower next to her bedside and sat on the floor. 

"Marissa Eves? If you're there... I didn't mean anything I just said. Okay? Mari, I just- I miss you. You shaped me in ways that I never even knew and I owe you so much. It SUCKS that you're gone. I miss you. SO MUCH. and I do hate you. I hate that you didn't care to talk to me before you did it. That really hurt. Look at me, holding grudges from beyond the grave."

Kati took a deep breath, calming herself down.

"Mar, you were so loved. I loved you. Teal loved you. So many people did. And GOD I wish you had hung in there. I'm never gonna forgive you for doing this, and I'm never gonna forgive myself for not loving you enough. I'm sorry, Rissa. You were my best friend. I don't hate you. I just miss you. I really, really do."

Kati wiped her eyes, rolling them to the ceiling.

"God. You asshole, you're making me cry again. You better be having fun in the afterlife. Give God a high-five for me. Or Satan. Cos honestly I wouldn't put it past you to be there. Just kidding. I'm sure you're already a guardian angel watching over my ass."

She kissed the flower, leaving it on her window sill. 

"Love you, Mar."