Till Death Do Us Apart- 4 ✔️

Chapter Forty-Eight Wasn't There

Wrong Direction- Hailee Steinfeld

     Laying in bed, I couldn't go to sleep. Instead, I let my eyes stare up at the ceiling as my mind wanders with all kinds of crazy thoughts consuming my mind with every seconds. I just kept remembering Drake's words. If you can't un-love him, I want you to kill him. How could Drake think I can do that if I can't un-love him? Why would Drake even tell me that. Does he expect me to actually go though with it. Does he actually think I can do it? What if he does and I fail him? He'll be angry with me. I don't want to choose between Drake and Dallas, but I don't want Drake being angry with me either.

     There's only one thing left to do. I have to do something. I need to do something. I force myself to get out of bed and I look around not seeing anyone here. Dallas' hasn't been sleeping in the same room as me, and it's been like this since I saw Drake. Maybe he's still mad about the argument we had that day. Before everything went down hill from there. We did never finish the argument. Maybe that's why he's concerned. He hasn't yelled at me, argued with me, and that's good though right? That means I'm doing good. If he's not mad at me, he's happy with me, right? I'm doing good, right?

     I walk out to the door and slightly open it before I hesitate. What am I going to do when I open this door and find him? Am I going to try and un-love him? Or am I going to try and kill him? I can't kill Dallas, I know I can't. I couldn't even if I tried. I do love him. I can't kill the man I love. Can I? I open the door wider before I look around spotting Dallas in the living room on the couch watching tv and I go to him putting a smile on my face just as he sees me and smiles as well. "Hey, Ryder. You're still up?" I nod sitting on the couch next to him. Maybe I can talk to him and then decide what to do.

      "I can't sleep." I say and it was true. I couldn't sleep. I can't sleep while thoughts of killing him consume my mind driving me crazier and crazier with each second that passes by. Drake said if I can't un-love him that I have to kill him. And I can't un-love Dallas. I look forward seeing a steak knife on the table before us but I shake my head ignoring it. So, doesn't that mean I only have one option left? Maybe. Maybe I can talk to him first. Ask him some questions that I want to know, then I can decide.

     "I'm sorry." He says wrapping an arm around my shoulders and pulling me against him as I lay my head abasing his chest.

     "It's not your fault." I say softly. "Hey, can I ask you something?" I ask tilting my head up to look at him as he looks down at me and nods.

     "You can ask me anything."

     "Why don't you sleep in your bed anymore?" I ask and he hesitates before looking away. "Is it because of me?"

     "No, it's me, Ryder. I'm alright with sleeping on the couch."

     "But I'm not. Why do you sleep on the couch?" Dallas sighs sitting up straight and taking his arm from my shoulders as he places his elbows on his knees and folds his hands in front of him. This was serious, for him at least.

     "Alright." He says. "Alright." He turns his head to the side and looks to me. "You want me to be honest?" I nod wondering why he would even ask that. No, I want him to lie to me. Like what? This guy sometimes. I mentally shake my head. "Fine. It's because I love you." I narrow my eyes in confusion. "Look, I love you and I love being with you. Holding you. Kissing you. But when I do those things, sometimes I have urges. Sometimes I can control it, sometimes I can't. Truth is, I don't want to hurt you. I don't want you to feel like I'm taking advantage of you when you're hurting like this.

     "It's just not right. So, that's why I'm not sleeping in the bed with you. I want you to feel safe, comfortable. That's all." He sighs shaking his head and looking away.