/Porn Hub, USMC edition
During boot camp in Parris Island, Port side got to shower first, Starboard side next, floor is wet from Port side.
Girls in one size fits all shower shoes in various states of undress trying to rip off bras and undies because we had less than 60 seconds left to shower.
Suddenly girls start slipping on the wet floor.
Once the first girl went down we all went down, piling up on each other.
Picture wet, naked panic with our D.Is yelling as the background music.
/Sunshine
There was a guy who fucked up during basic training who had the poor job of wiping the sunshine off the sidewalk. Took him all day.
/The grouch
During Marine Bootcamp, we had a guy who somehow got his watch through indoc (they take all your shit when you get there.)
Well, the D.Is found out he had it one day when he was wearing it, so they put him in the trash can and put the lid over him.
Every time they walked by, they'd kick it and he had to pop out, look at his watch, and yell, "SIR THE TIME ON DECK IS ZERO-NINE-FORTY-FIVE!" [or whatever time it was, presumably] and then go back in like the fucking grouch from Sesame Street.
/The eagle scout
A recruit in Bootcamp thought he was special because he was an eagle scout.
The D.I picked up on this and during PT took him into the woods and made him build a nest.
Then he had to squat over it in order to keep his eggs warm.
/Welcome aboard
I was once welcomed onto the quarter deck by a guard; "Welcome aboard, I will not jack off in uniform."
/Pvt Omelette
Week 1 in Army Basic Training we had a trainee ask for an omelette, which was not allowed because there was no time to make them for every single trainee.
The cooks started making it when the D.S asked what the hell was going on.
The trainee responded, "go around, D.S, I'm waitin' on an omelette."
Needless to say, this was NOT the correct response.
Our Platoon motto was hence forth "go around, D.S, I'm waitin' on an omelette," and the Trainee was then known as Pvt Omelette.
YOU ARE READING
Mildly entertaining military stories.
HumorA collection of short yet wild military stories. None of these are mine. These stories, most of them supposedly humorous, are supposed to give light to what it's like to be a service member, and, hopefully, prevent you from joining as any vet worth...
