Cinderella? NO

ABDALLAH

Maryam's answer gave me a ray of hope. I had lost a Maryam and I had found another one, Alhamdulillah. I remembered how I went to knock on aunt Maryam's door to tell her about Maryam but I knocked on a hospital door instead. I met aunt Maryam for the last time weeks back when cancer has already eaten her deep. Mum knew about her sickness, dad too but nobody cared to tell me. "I am a fool mum, I saw your hair months back but cancer didn't come to my mind, why didn't you tell me? I would have stayed with you even if it takes dad disowning me. I don't care. You are the only person that ever loved me. I would have even told you about Maryam earlier so that we fight together. If you leave me now, how would I win over my parents. Stay, lets fight for Maryam and fight cancer together. I promise to get the best doctors in Gulf for you. I WILL search for the best cancer doctor in the world for you. Stay and I WILL fulfil my promise! Just don't leave me." I recalled how I cried beside her. She smiled and held my hands, she said I should forget everything now and tell her about Maryam. I told her about Maryam's nationality first and she said "Baby I didn't give birth to you but I suckled you, I cleaned everything that came out from your body. I sung all the songs I knew to you. Your likes I know them, your dislikes I avoid them. I know you are a simple man and different but this love thing you want to do now, it feels to me like you are retaliating. I feel like you are trying to settle scores with your parents..." I have never been confused in my life, settle score? Seriously? My parents have not been the best parent to me (in fact not even good) but They Are my Parents and I know the status they hold in Islam and how the Prophet(saw) said we should behave towards them. What scores? I can never get back at them by just loving a foreigner. They'll feel bad, yes! but that's it. They might even prevent me, though I have the right to choose my wife myself, but I can't hurt them to some extent. I know I am going to do everything possible to see that I marry Maryam, but if it reaches some extent, I am going to give up. So I don't know what aunt Maryam is thinking, she thinks maybe I want to just hurt my parents by loving Maryam, but that is not true. Seriously I don't know if it's true, I have always wanted to get back at my parents but wallah loving Maryam for me is real, though maybe 5% in me want to settle scores with my parents but I don't know. If I continue to think deep about this issue, aunt Maryam's going to win. I never knew she knows me more than I know myself. I always thought I just love Maryam, but now I realised loving her means getting back at my parents and maybe that's what I want. Getting back is a strong word but I am helpless. My dad has hurt me so much. My mum? She never stood for me. My childhood had been terrible and my dad blames my mum's family for taking me away from him that's why after she took me from aunt Maryam, he sent me away. My nursery school was boarding; from year 1 to 6 boarding, after that I went to junior school, also boarding, then senior school. I spent 17 years in boarding schools. All because of a stupid tradition that my mum couldn't stop. My dad blames her for their tradition of taking the 1st child away from his parents for 4 years but dad left me with aunt Maryam for 10 years. It was even mum that brought me back. Dad disowned me even before he owned me. My siblings are still strangers to me. And they kept changing the schools and even country. So I have no friends. Those 17years were like years of imprisonment to me. I know the best Italian dish, the best Russian drink, Americans' favourite pancake, I know where to get the best English tea in London. My mum didn't save me from my dad, she kept quiet and transferred all the love she's supposed to have for me to Mahmood. When I asked her why she doesn't care about me, you know what her answer was? "If I love you, I am going to hurt your father more, it's better I control my feelings and love your brother instead." Earlier I mentioned that I had never been confused yea, I had been confused in my life, and that was the moment mum gave me this answer. Thinking about those days pierce me right in the chest and I feel like disappearing. I want to tell aunt Maryam that what she is thinking is not true but I don't have the guts to say that because I know she sees right through me, so I don't want to complicate matters more and make her lose the trust she has for me. Instead I just smiled and told her "Aunt Maryam loving Maryam to you might seem a game but to me it is real and I have never been sure towards something like I am in this matter. I don't want to settle scores or get back at anybody, I just want you people to support me and please let me have this 1 thing I have ever asked you to give me. I'd lost hope in life when I was rotting in the walls of Spain, Italy and Saudi Arabia, when I was dumped and neglected..." she moved her gaze down and guilt filled her face though she was not at fault or maybe she's too, because she was supposed to let my dad take me but instead she held unto me(selfishly). Anyways I am not playing the blame game here so I buried the hatchet (though its edge will always sting me). I continued "with Maryam, I get I what I lost and live again. With her, everything makes meaning" she returned her gaze and told me to describe Maryam, I laughed so hard that my laughter shocked her. I don't know the words to use to describe 'amazing' without using the word amazing but I tried by telling her about Maryam's eyes 1st. I reminded her what she told me about looking at people's' eyes (I am being filmy too). "Maryam's eyes look black from a distance but when she came closer, I saw the colour of honey, but brighter. When the sun shined in her eyes and she squinted them, I saw the colour of lavender. Her eyes change colour aunt. There was a time I looked at them and they reminded me of my favourite Moroccan tea. Controlling my gaze has always been easy for me, no matter how attractive a thing is but when I saw her eyes, my gaze failed me. For in her eyes, I saw the most beautiful shades of colours. Her eyes in one moment reminded me of life, death, Jannah but they refused to remind me of verse 30 of surah Noor and the hotness of Jahannam." I shifted my gaze from the blue hospital curtains to meet hers to check if she's listening. She smiled, and I continued "her eyes are just a branch in her that I like but what I love about Maryam is her modesty, her complete lifestyle. Maryam is religious and that's the whole point! Her speech increases me in knowledge, her actions melt me and her presence calms me. She does everything with wisdom and love. Maryam is selfless, simple...plain and at the same time full...." I spread my fingers and hand as if I was giving a presentation to the audience that don't understand the language I speak. Though I know nobody in this world understands me more than aunt Maryam, and just having that in mind makes me happy. I resumed "Maryam is extraordinary and beautiful, the most beautiful. Her eyes here I am again with the eyes are innocent, clean, bold...sometimes when I am looking at them, I squint my eyes fearing they would swallow mine. The best part is Maryam doesn't view anything the same way people do, she doesn't believe in pink for girls or blue for boys; she believes in any colours for anyone. Maryam gave me the answers I was searching for decades without speaking a word. I have never wanted any person in this world aunt and you know right. My parents didn't give me the room to love them and you, your love confuses me; sometimes I wonder if you truly love me for me, or you love my mum so much that's why you care for me." I thought my last words would hurt her, but aunt Maryam seems to be lost in something I said, cos I caught her smiling. That feels good because... anyways I don't want to hurt her but I can't hide the truth from her or anyone. She knows that about me. I continued "Maryam is the only person I love, she's no beauty queen nor a star, but to me she's more than both. I want to spend the rest of my life with Maryam and continue in Jannah Insha'Allah." I didn't know I was smiling until I felt air in between my teeth and closed my mouth. Aunt Maryam was also smiling beautifully. She came closer to me, held my hands and gaze, and started talking "Son, when I heard this love thing from your mum, I laughed so hard. Ask her, I know you are a sane person but I thought something happened to you and drove you crazy. And your mum even thought they did some sihr on you, I agreed with her partially. Later on I thought you were trying to get back at your parents. But when you spoke now, I saw something I had never seen in real life or even in movies or romantic series. I watch Hindi movies and dramas, Korean dramas, Japanese, Italian, Philippines, Mexican movies and dramas but I had never seen a feeling so strong. I thought the best love is the one portrayed in movies and books but what I see in your eyes today, in your words is beyond my imagination. I have always wanted you come and tell me about the love of your life, I have been waiting for this day my whole life and today that I have little time remaining, God has given me my wish. I understand completely but Abdallah..." aunt never calls my name except she wants to talk something really serious and I cut her off "I can't live without her mum" I confessed. I call her mum when I miss what we used to be. When she used to give me whatever I desired except the love of my parents, when she listens to no one but me. Today I want to use every relationship we had/have to make her understand what Maryam means to me and how madly I want her in the rest of my life. "Does she know who you are?" she asked "No" I answered dodging her gaze. She continues "That's where the problem lies. Wallah son I understand how you desire this girl but we have rules Abdallah, forget about racism. You have a crown on your head, people to lead...Maryam doesn't know the weight on your shoulders, your future, will she understand? She doesn't know a heck about the weight of your crown. Your people Abdallah; the Emiratis, will they accept her? Will they understand? You are going to ruin your life and even hers." I just looked on "you know your wish has always been my command but son, this time I don't think I can help you, I am tired of fighting with your dad. If he finds out I want this, he might kill me before cancer does" she chuckled and looked at me. I know she's serious because I know my dad can really do it, she just chuckled but I know she's afraid.
The news of her demise broke the walls of my room and I felt naked. I ran to mum and cried so much on her laps. The laps I used to cry on left me alone. The shoulders also followed. Aunty Maryam left for America a day after my visit and dad forbade me from following her. Dad refused to let me be with her when she needed me the most and when I needed her too. I thought I had everything; parents, family... but when she left, I realised she was my everything. And I had lost it all. I forgot Imran ever existed or dad. It was only mum that I turned to. I thought being with her would help me fill the space Aunty Maryam left. It didn't.
I told Imran I really I wanted to leave. I needed air. I feel suffocated and empty. I talked to mum and she said I should do whatever I want; that would make me happy. "Just don't leave me alone son. I need you. I know you don't need me, but I do you. Your dad also does. Though he won't tell you, but he does." I narrated to Imran "I understand Abdallah but I am also scared. I feel like you are not coming back. I can't let you go. Maybe after months I can, but not now." he clarified "Imran you don't get something. Even if it's after years, I am still going to feel the same so just let me go now." I insisted "Fine.  But where do you want to go Abdul?" Imran held my gaze "I don't know. I just need somewhere very far where I can find peace." I said looking at him with watery eyes. He adjusted his body and said "That's very easy. I know a place where you would forget everything. A place where you would meet someone that is the reason for everything that is happening in your life. That place would make you remember the article of faith that says 'believe in destiny whether good or bad'. You would forget about all your misfortunes and thank Allah." he smiled. "Yes, that's where I wanna go. But does that place even exist on earth? The place you are talking about is Jannah(paradise). The only thing I can do to go to that place is die if I am lucky I would enter the place if I am not, God forbid." I said "That place is on earth. 45minutes drive on air. That place is peace. Whatever you want, you would find it there. That place is Ka'abah; Masjid al Haram. Let's go for Umrah. You would pray for her and find peace."
Now the only thing remaining is to tell Maryam about my identity. I have a negative feeling about how she'll react but I can't hide it anymore. We have to face reality.