Cinderella? NO

MARYAM

I don't know the problem mum has with me wearing niqab, it is not like I am in America, this is Nigeria and everyone knows I am neither a terrorist nor oppressed. Let me tell you about hijab from where I come from. Everybody covers in Nigeria, including non-Muslims. In my place you can wear jeans and a very long loose top with a head cover and people will curse you. They'll say "Look at her so western, no hijab". But you can wear our traditional atamfa, one that is very tight, and a short sleeved blouse that is also short, with a scarf and they won't curse you because you are wearing 'hijab'; to them, traditional clothes are hijab. Then people that wear hijab, a very big long one popularly known as jilbab, they are considered as villagers that do not know anything. At a wedding gathering, the only thing that differentiates married and unmarried women is the thin, transparent colourful veils married women wear because there are non-mahrams. I don't know Arabic but I try to read Qur'an's translation and in Chapter 24, verse 31 I know that when Allah mentioning hijab for women, He didn't say 'tell the married women...', He said "And tell the believing women...not to expose their adornment except that which necessarily appears and to wrap their head covers over their chests and to not expose their adornments except to their mahrams..." (It's not like the married women are keeping the proper hijab). I should leave the society and focus on my family. My family members are exactly like the society. Everybody prays at my house, when it's time for prayer, mum shouts and everybody leaves whatever he or she is doing to go and pray, but that's where everything stops. The people in my house don't keep proper hijab and non mahrams frequent my house and we don't care, they only cover when going out; that too, not proper covering alhamdulillah now I try to talk to the adults and its kind of working.
"Prayer doesn't make you religious, it makes you a Muslim." I chant. In Nigeria, all Muslims (especially in the north) perform salah; thieves, adulterers, magicians, armed robbers, prostitutes, thugs, musicians, actors...you can go to a fortune teller and people won't say anything, but the moment you miss salah, you become the topic of the whole decade "He doesn't pray, the only thing that differentiates Muslims from Kafirs is salah."  They'll curse. An adulteress can do her thing and people will overlook but the moment she drops her hijab and goes out, she'll be the talk of the town.
I think my mum thinks I will not a get a husband if I wear the niqab but she won't tell me that, she would just say "I don't like it." It is not up to a year since I adopted the proper hijab, dumped makeup and music and deleted all boys from my contacts list. But my sisters think I am an extremist already. Some think I am religious and adore me (don't envy me and do not want to be like me), but I am not even close to what I want to be. I want to have the knowledge of Aisha, courage of Asiya, the innocence of Fatima bint Muhammad, determination and hayaa(modesty) of Maryam (mother of Jesus r.a) and the ambition of Khadija (radiyallahu anhuma). If I reach this stage, I know my family would deny me and my society label me 'a terrorist'. I talk as if I am perfect, I am not even close to perfect but Alhamdulillah 'slowly but surely' inshaAllah in Billy's voice. Billy laments 'slowly but surely' throughout Monday. Billy hates her job because it pays little and she doesn't get to meet the hot guys in HR department. They are not hot trust me (not even close), they are just spoilt and rich. Billy's depression starts on Sunday and she consoles herself by singing "slowly but surely" (that's how she calls her weekends) starting Monday, till Friday. Once in her life she has memorised the Qur'an, but now she cannot even name the complete surahs (chapters) of the Qur'an and she doesn't seem to care about it. Throughout my days I revise Qur'anic ayats (verses) and she doesn't pay attention, but the moment I sing a line from any song, she takes over and sing it till dusk. And later blames me for putting song in her mouth. "Maryam..." I heard dad calling me in the background.
After my life changed, I adopted the proper hijab and found my main purpose in life. When I found out that the only time I should worry is when I displease Allah and He is the only One I should strive to please, that was when my dream of falling in love with an Arab, marrying an Arab and living in an Arabian country, becoming the richest woman on earth vanished. Luxuries in the world disgust me, fame makes me sad. That's when I started to pity celebrities and politicians. I used to love fame, money, celebrities, musicians, I used to take them as my role models. But then I woke up. I found out that there is no role model other than our beloved Muhammad (saw), and the Mothers of the Believers. I realised the ultimate success is Jannah.  When this happened that's when my life started to make sense, everything in front of me started to speak. Some things correct me, some things guide me, some things teach me lessons, some things elude me, some misguide me and they succeed. But whenever I fall, I get up, ask for forgiveness and move on. Sometimes when I make a mistake, I cry. I feel so bad, I feel like the worst person on earth but tahajjud and those tears in sujud really help me, because after that I feel good. I feel like someone is listening (of course Allah listens) and He won't let me drown in my sins.  I love Allah (swa) so much, I tell Him "I love you oh Allah" more than I ask for His forgiveness but you know what, that doesn't stop me from sinning. And this fact breaks me, that's why whenever I sin I feel like a jahil(hypocrite). What keeps me going and firm on asking for forgiveness is the verse in the Holy Qur'an where the angels asked Allah why He was going to create humans that sin and shed blood when all they (angels) do is glorify and serve Him(swa). Allah told them that "I know that which you do not know". He further stated that He's going to create amongst (humans), scholars, pious and martyrs, humble believers, modest. Allah knows we were going to sin but still he created us, guided us and provided pious people to preach and help us. He also promised to forgive who ever repents before it's too late. In hadith Tirmidhi 2339 narrated by Abu Sa'id, Shaitaan (the devil) said "I shall continue to misguide humans as long as their spirit is in their bodies!". Allah the exalted replied "and I shall continue to pardon them as long as they ask for my forgiveness!". I swear by Allah if not for this promise that Allah(swa) made to us, I would have killed myself because I feel extremely bad and shameful whenever I sin and I feel no hope. But whenever I remember this, I smile and fall in sujud. The verse that says 'do not despair of the mercy of Allah'(Qur'an 33:53) gives me a lot of hope.  My dad also helps me so much by guiding me and telling me to take things easy. He told me that the ummah(people) of Muhammad(saw) is a moderate ummah, Allah warned us not to be extreme, and warned us not to slack also. He told us to be moderate in worship and fun. My dad also told me about a people before the people of Muhammad(saw) whom Allah the exalted told to clean najasah(impurity) off their body by using knife to scratch the affected place until blood comes out. But Allah the Most Merciful told the ummah of Muhammad to use just water the clean najasah off.
I love my dad dearly because he is simple and adores the saying of prophet (saw): "The best thing you can give to a child is education...". (someone needs to really tell my dad we can have a mansion since my dad has the money). We do not have the best house in my area but we go to the best school in Nigeria. My dad spends almost all his money in our school, food and clothing. We wear the best, eat the best and attend the best schools (Alhamdulillah) the problem I had with him was the issue of our house, its moderate and I do not own my room. I share with Billy, who has so many problems that I dislike and I want my privacy. We tried explaining to dad but all he does is smile and think we are ungrateful. Though he doesn't tell us that, but it shows whenever we complain. If you go to my school then visit my house, you would swear I was on scholarship. I never understood my dad until I read about minimalism and how the Prophet(saw) encourages it. Now I understand him and love him even more. The only problem I have with my dad now is the issue of my step mum. Since Murja came into our lives, everything changed. My dad talks less, cares lesser and barely smiles. He used to sleep two nights at our house then two nights at Murja's's. But now he barely comes once a week. He doesn't call my mum; whenever he wants something from her, he tells me to tell her. Even when mum calls, he never picks. My dad changed completely, sometimes when he's talking to me, I look deep into his eyes and wallahi I see someone different, like a monster. People around us believed my step mum goes to witches (boka) and does black magic. I don't want to believe them or doubt my step mum because my dad is not perfect, he has his mood swings and he's a snob sometimes so I used to think maybe with two wives now and more kids, he's stressed and that is making him behave somehow. What made me doubt my step mum was when I asked dad money for hospital. He said I shouldn't call him again if what I want to say is not serious. I cried so much that day. I never thought there is something better than health. I didn't give up, I went to meet him and he drove me away. When I got up I looked into his eyes and that time I didn't see a monster, I saw someone else. From that time, I completely believed he's not alright. My dad would never send me away. He's a nice, soft and religious person but now, he's possessed. I cried and had nightmares for a very long time. I had never seen an obscene behaviour like the way he treated me, never even in movies because I don't watch tragedies or sad dramas. I watch happy ending and rom coms. But I guess you can never dodge tragedies, you either watch them or experience them, or both. I just pray ours do not end sadly (I begged Allah). That makes me wonder what my mum must be going through. He loved her so much, he promised to be with her forever, to care and cater for her but he's on another woman's lap abandoning all his promises and responsibilities. The whole time my mum never cried or showed us how deeply hurt she was, she kept it cool but I know she's hurting (she's not a rock after all). Alhamdulillah when it comes to deen my mum tries so much. Some of my aunts tell her to increase in du'a and sabr(patience) and some of her friends tell her to visit magicians and witches so that she destroys Murja. My mum is wicked sometimes but she says "There is no person or thing in this world that would make me lose Jannah forever". Visiting fortune tellers, magicians or witches is shirk (associating partners with Allah). Allah promised to never forgive those that do these things if they die without repenting. She believes no one is worth it and she is scared to die practicing this grievous sin. My mum always told us to stay away from big sins like fornication, theft and of course shirk but she told us whenever someone does something to us, we should not sleep while hurt, she encourages us to hurt the person also and teach him a lesson (you see why I said she is wicked). But I love her. Very much.
Most of the ladies from where I come from pray, wear a very big hijab, fast, pay zakah but the moment her husband marries another woman, she'll go to Boka (wizard or magician) and drive her co-wife mad or prevent her from giving birth. Men also visit them to become rich and popular (because they don't have co-wives).  A man will grow beard (for the sake of Allah), memorise the Qur'an, and 40 hadiths, go to hajj, teach the Qur'an but will mistreat his family and look at other uncovered women. In Nigeria, most of the young men and boys can read the Qur'an in Arabic, go to Madrasah every day or have an Iman that will come and teach them at home, when its Friday, they go for Juma'ah prayer and in the night go to clubs, touch girls or touch boys, sleep with them, come back late and their parents won't say anything, because they pray (salah) and don't do drugs. And every father will be pleased to have them as son in law. Especially if them have a degree from abroad (even if it's Niger).
In Ramadhan, when a person is caught not fasting, people call police for him. A guy can rape a girl and get away with it, but will not refuse to pray or fast and get away with it. What is the problem here? Our Sheikhs are missing out something when preaching maybe? Or are we are yet to understand what Islam is? Our condition in Nigeria is sad, because we have the knowledge but do not use it. Before I know it. It's time to go back to school.