When the daylight has faded

The gift (#quality)

I looked at the shop assistant, incredulity written all over my face.

"How much?" I squeaked.

"550, sir. It's our special offer this week," the shop assistant answered without blushing.

"I just want the one, not a flipping shipping container's worth." Despite a valiant effort, I was unable to hold back the sarcasm.

The shop assistant remained unfazed. "Sir, this is the best quality money can buy. Quality never comes cheap, as I'm sure you know. I guarantee you, you won't regret this purchase. There is nothing even similar in quality on the market. Just look at how exquisite the craftmanship is!"

With dainty hands, she lifted the high-ticket product up to my face for inspection. I squinted in an effort to detect the exquisite craftmanship she was referring to, alas to no avail.

"Well, I'm sure there is some craft in this thing somewhere, but 550? You must be out of your mind! Does it even have USB or Wi-Fi? Can I connect it to anything? What does the stupid thing even do?" My voice rose just a little.

"Do?" The shop assistant looked genuinely baffled by my query. "I'm not sure I understand your question, sir. This amazing product does not use any harmful substances, it will create a stunning atmosphere in any room and it most definitely does not tunnel. The gift box it comes in is elegant in its simplicity and will astound its recipient with its charm."

My heart rate increased. "550 British pounds because you have the courtesy to sell me something that won't kill off your customers and because you put it in a nice box that will end up in the bin anyway? And what the hell is tunnelling?"

A dolled-up lady and her leather-sporting man browsing through some other equally overpriced luxury items a few feet away looked at me with disgust. I held their gazes for a few seconds before returning my attention to the offending item.

The shop assistant finally blushed.

"Look, ahh..." I had a quick peek at the shop assistant's left breast. "Look, Lucy," I carried on after I had deciphered her ornately-written name tag. "You can buy this shit for a fiver just around the corner," I added a little quieter but with more venom in my voice.

"Sir, just look at the beautiful coat of arms on the front, the brilliance of the green colour of the glass, the sophistication..."

"Well, you can keep your brilliance and sophistication and sell it to some other mug. I'm out of here!" I rudely interrupted and slammed the door on my way out of the little shop of horror prices.

Outside I took a deep breath and held my face to the sun. Just as my heartbeat had started to slow down, my phone rang.

My girlfriend sounded ecstatic. "Sweetheart, you've got the candle, haven't you? I can't wait to see it. You are the best for getting it me! I told all my girlfriends and they can't wait to see it. They think you are a quality guy. Just don't tell them you managed to get it on the cheap!"